My phone…she swims with the fishes…

or more specifically, she dunked herself into the toilet. Does that bitch not realize that I cannot afford a new one? And no, I don’t think I have the insurance on this but I am about to check. ~le sigh~

I immediately grabbed the phone and in doing so I somehow threw my apple I was eating into the shower (I know because I found it later). Before you think I was having a poo or something equally hilarious, it was really just a chain of stupidity. I was eating an apple and needed to grab the clothes I was soaking out of the bathroom sink to throw into the laundry. I placed the phone on the shelf above the toilet and somehow I bumped the shelf. Yes, I was on the phone at the time, and yes, it is completely possible the person I was talking to heard, “shoot, darn, NOOOOO! *splash*.” Yes, when things are really bad the curse words disappear and I begin to sound like a kindergarten teacher. No, I am not proud of that. After (apparently) throwing the apple I grabbed the phone, battery, and case (which had conveniently come apart upon toilet impact) and grabbed my emergency “shit, my electronic ______ fell into the water” kit (I should sell these). To make your own emergency kit please do the following:

  1.  buy bag of silica cat litter
  2. find or buy container larger than your electronic ______ but smaller than a bucket that has a lid
  3. use a thin cloth bag or, failing having one of those, a thin sock

When something like this happens, REMOVE BATTERY, wipe off all visible moisture, place electronic _________ into bag (or sock) and bury in silica.  The bag keeps the dust out of the electronic. Then put on the lid and don’t touch the damn electronic________for at least 24 hours.

So, I didn’t follow my own rules and attempted to make my phone “go” this morning. Alas…she turned on, then died.  What did we learn? That’s right! don’t. touch. the. damn. electronic ________. for. 24. hours. you. damn. idiot.

The kit doesn’t work unless you have it on hand and set up BEFORE the water drama ensues. So people, go make kits, save your electronic _______s.

Wish me luck, I think I am screwed.

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Why My Phone Should Be A Glucose Meter!

So, ever have a nasty disease like diabetes and are pretty sure you are generally just fine and even when you aren’t fine you are pretty sure that you are still firing on all cylinders but then something happens and you realize holy crap–you were not just fine?

…just me then?

okay.

See, I have never successfully gotten blackout drunk (that I know of). I have never gotten so far gone that I have forgotten important things like “did I sleep with that person?” That said, I have woken up and asked “where am I?”, so, ya know, I’m not a saint here.

But yesterday, my blood glucose level was low. It was high, and then I took some medicine and it dropped beautifully and I felt wonderful. Then it kept dropping and I kept thinking, shitshitshitshitshit. I drank a sugary glass of tang and we got back up to the 80s and I said–YAY! but then an hour later I started dropping again. Herbert (diabetic alert service dog in training) was spazzed out; first she is all HIGH, then she is all LOW, then low again, and again, and again–it was a long freakin’ night.

For the majority of people who have no idea what blood sugar numbers mean, here is a quick guide (please note–these are my numbers. I am not a doctor nor am I suggesting this is what they will mean for anyone else–okay? okay.)

from 0 – 10 – probably (seriously) dead.

from 11 – 30 – not good at all; probably either seizing or passed out – potential long-term health/brain damage.

from 31 – 70 – eat bitch eat! feel nauseated, sleepy, spacey, sweaty and gross. The idea of food is disgusting.

from 85 – 140 – I am a happy healthy princess of wonder and joy.

from 141 – 200 – I feel shitty, tired, and a little bitchy. Everything hurts more and I am really hungry all of the time. 

greater than 200 – doing some really good damage to myself. Extremely tired and achy and bitchy.  Everything hurts and I could eat anything and everything and then sleep for many hours. 

So today when I received an email from a reader saying the password I sent him for the locked posts didn’t work I said, huh? wait? what? And that is when I realized that yesterday when I was low I was checking emails and replying with the wrong password AND I DON’T REMEMBER DOING THAT!

Yikes.