I don’t know what to say…I have been losing hope lately. I know, I know…I haven’t written in a very (VERY!) long time; and the only reason I can give you all is that I fear I am intrinsically broken. 

No, seriously. I was watching a show called Scandal…it isn’t the best show ever written but it isn’t that bad either…anyway, I was watching the show and there was a bit where the lovable psycho ex-spy dude was on a date with his very first love interest and ERMAHGERD! he is so broken that one of his favorite things to do is watch (stalk) this normal family. He spoke of their pizza night and leftover night…and all I could think was…shit. I feel like that sometimes. How do you explain to people how you come from this big ball of fuckedupedness and while you sometimes deeply long for healthy normal interactions in the form of a family you know deep down you don’t have one and you are not sure how to make one work? There really isn’t a way to explain it. 

And telling people your current plans on Thanksgiving (the worst holiday EVER if you come from my broken fucked up family – one year I was forced to eat 3 dinners at 3 different locations while, no shit, each family told me I was overweight) involve watching crap on the internet and eating ramen noodle is fucking depressing. 

Okay, enough self-pity. 

*shakes it off*

I have a bunch of funny shit to write; just haven’t gotten there yet. 

loves ya.

miss ya. 

-me.