Zombie Fallout – A book review by me. :)

I read. oh lordy, do I read. I read printed books, blogs, kindle books, and for the last year or so I have defeated insomnia by listening to audio books before I fall asleep. Why does that work? Well, my brain LOVES to wander…thinking all about the bazillion things I have messed up, things I should have done, could have done, things I still have to do.  You all know what I mean because I’m pretty sure this little habit of mine is one of the few things about me that is completely normal.

So, about a year or so ago I found Audible. I knew of it before but didn’t use it. Don’t get me wrong–some of the books are just not great “listens”. But there are a few series I loved listening to including The Dresden Files by Mike Butcher and anything by Molly Harper, Tamora Pierce, or Terry Pratchett.  Rarely do I find a book that sucks me in so deeply that I make time to listen to it outside of my normal bedtime ritual.

I have absolutely loved listening to Zombie Fallout by Mark Tufo (http://www.marktufo.com/zombiefallout.html). In fact, I have already started on the 2nd in the series.  The protagonist is funny, sarcastic, and quite simply–awesome. Some of the reviews list this book as being slapstick or comedic–in my opinion it is neither.  Don’t get me wrong, I have laughed out loud more times than I can count while listening to this book and that in and of itself is a rare thing in an audio book–but the protagonist in this book has more of a running sarcastic commentary in his head which resonates with me because I do that as well.  There is, so far, only one thing throughout this story line which has annoyed me. Why didn’t he teach his daughter to shoot? His two sons are very competent gun users. Why did he not teach his daughter?  I can look past this and still enjoy the hell out of this book but I just need to take a moment and tell everyone–teach your girls and your boys about tools AND weapons. It is our duty to prepare the next generation to prepare  the generation that follows.

And, if you want to read (listen) to a good book–check this one out. It has made me laugh out loud, nervously look around an empty room for zombies, hold my breath in anticipation, and squeeze a Herbert (dog) out of fear of what was happening next.

Here is a tidbit that made me laugh my butt off which doesn’t in any way spoil the story–and I am paraphrasing here:

                                                           He walked into the yard in his bare feet and stepped in something squishy, BRAINS! he thought…then the smell hit him and he realized it was dog poop. He kind of wished it had been brains…. 

Trust me, it is funnier in the book. 🙂  I hope y’all like the book if you decide to read or listen to it. 🙂

Here is the book description copied off of the Amazon site:  http://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Fallout-Mark-Tufo/dp/145151705X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1347817905&sr=8-2&keywords=zombie+fallout

It was a flu season like no other. With fears of contracting the H1N1 virus running rampant throughout the country, people lined up in droves to try an attain one of the coveted vaccines. What was not known, was the effect this largely untested, rushed to market, inoculation was to have on the unsuspecting throngs. Within days, feverish folk throughout the country, convulsed, collapsed and died, only to be re-born. With a taste for brains, blood and bodies, these modern day zombies scoured the lands for their next meal. Overnight the country became a killing ground for the hordes of zombies that ravaged the land. This is the story of Michael Talbot, his family and his friends. This is their story a band of ordinary people just trying to get by in these extra-ordinary times. When disaster strikes, Mike a self-proclaimed survivalist, does his best to ensure the safety and security of those he cares for. Book 1 – Of the Zombie Fall-Out Trilogy, follows our lead character in his self-deprecating, sarcastic best. What he encounters along the way leads him down a long dark road always skirting on the edge of insanity. Can he keep his family safe? Can he discover the secret behind Tommy’s powers? Can he save anyone from the zombie Queen? – A zombie that seems by all accounts to have some sort of hold over the zombies and Mike himself. Encircled in a seemingly safe haven called Little Turtle, Mike and his family together with the remnants of a tattered community while not fighting each other, fight against a relentless, ruthless, unstoppable force. This last bastion of civilization has made its final stand. God help them all.

remember that time I freaked out?

Good afternoon everybody!

How are you? It is a Saturday and this morning I was going to get up, drive to Kmart, and pick out a bicycle.  Why? because by golly, I want one badly and it would save me money (in the long run). I was paid on Thursday and I checked my bank balance today (Saturday) and realized the whopping $37.00 I had to my name was not enough to purchase diet coke for the month, let alone a bicycle.


It is amazing how knowing how little money I have can suck the joy right out of my day. It shouldn’t mean anything at all–money is pointless. At least it is completely pointless until you don’t have any.

So, because I am taking control of my own happiness, here is a story about a small amount of money which helped someone else:

I was in St. Thomas for work from Tuesday through Friday this week. On Tuesday I went to the beach bar with Herbert (service dog) to relax and enjoy the evening.  As per usual, the chat around the bar turned to dogs (thank you Herbert) and this lady and I were talking about dogs when she said, “where you at the other Best Western restaurant a few months ago when a table of two people ran out on their bill and you paid for it because you said you didn’t want it to come out of my pay (which it would have)?”  I looked at her and said, “oh yeah, I forgot about that! how are you?” and then she chattered on about how nice I was and how people just weren’t that nice and that she was so touched by my thoughtfulness.  For the record, the table that ditched their bill cost me around $5.00. Because of that $5.00 this woman remembered my existence fondly and recognized me after months in a completely different place and me with a new hair color.

*shrugs* I just thought that story was kind of spiffy and I should share to both make myself look way nicer and more awesome than I really am and to remind myself that there are good and happy things to think about that don’t involve my own fear of poverty.

In other news I just asked my father if I could have a bicycle for Christmas.  If I were brave in any way I would ask him if I could borrow money to get myself out of this hellish pit of poor.  But I’m not brave…hell, I’m not even proud. I am giving serious consideration to becoming a ‘working girl’ until I can make ends meet.

My phone…she swims with the fishes…

or more specifically, she dunked herself into the toilet. Does that bitch not realize that I cannot afford a new one? And no, I don’t think I have the insurance on this but I am about to check. ~le sigh~

I immediately grabbed the phone and in doing so I somehow threw my apple I was eating into the shower (I know because I found it later). Before you think I was having a poo or something equally hilarious, it was really just a chain of stupidity. I was eating an apple and needed to grab the clothes I was soaking out of the bathroom sink to throw into the laundry. I placed the phone on the shelf above the toilet and somehow I bumped the shelf. Yes, I was on the phone at the time, and yes, it is completely possible the person I was talking to heard, “shoot, darn, NOOOOO! *splash*.” Yes, when things are really bad the curse words disappear and I begin to sound like a kindergarten teacher. No, I am not proud of that. After (apparently) throwing the apple I grabbed the phone, battery, and case (which had conveniently come apart upon toilet impact) and grabbed my emergency “shit, my electronic ______ fell into the water” kit (I should sell these). To make your own emergency kit please do the following:

  1.  buy bag of silica cat litter
  2. find or buy container larger than your electronic ______ but smaller than a bucket that has a lid
  3. use a thin cloth bag or, failing having one of those, a thin sock

When something like this happens, REMOVE BATTERY, wipe off all visible moisture, place electronic _________ into bag (or sock) and bury in silica.  The bag keeps the dust out of the electronic. Then put on the lid and don’t touch the damn electronic________for at least 24 hours.

So, I didn’t follow my own rules and attempted to make my phone “go” this morning. Alas…she turned on, then died.  What did we learn? That’s right! don’t. touch. the. damn. electronic ________. for. 24. hours. you. damn. idiot.

The kit doesn’t work unless you have it on hand and set up BEFORE the water drama ensues. So people, go make kits, save your electronic _______s.

Wish me luck, I think I am screwed.

Why My Phone Should Be A Glucose Meter!

So, ever have a nasty disease like diabetes and are pretty sure you are generally just fine and even when you aren’t fine you are pretty sure that you are still firing on all cylinders but then something happens and you realize holy crap–you were not just fine?

…just me then?


See, I have never successfully gotten blackout drunk (that I know of). I have never gotten so far gone that I have forgotten important things like “did I sleep with that person?” That said, I have woken up and asked “where am I?”, so, ya know, I’m not a saint here.

But yesterday, my blood glucose level was low. It was high, and then I took some medicine and it dropped beautifully and I felt wonderful. Then it kept dropping and I kept thinking, shitshitshitshitshit. I drank a sugary glass of tang and we got back up to the 80s and I said–YAY! but then an hour later I started dropping again. Herbert (diabetic alert service dog in training) was spazzed out; first she is all HIGH, then she is all LOW, then low again, and again, and again–it was a long freakin’ night.

For the majority of people who have no idea what blood sugar numbers mean, here is a quick guide (please note–these are my numbers. I am not a doctor nor am I suggesting this is what they will mean for anyone else–okay? okay.)

from 0 – 10 – probably (seriously) dead.

from 11 – 30 – not good at all; probably either seizing or passed out – potential long-term health/brain damage.

from 31 – 70 – eat bitch eat! feel nauseated, sleepy, spacey, sweaty and gross. The idea of food is disgusting.

from 85 – 140 – I am a happy healthy princess of wonder and joy.

from 141 – 200 – I feel shitty, tired, and a little bitchy. Everything hurts more and I am really hungry all of the time. 

greater than 200 – doing some really good damage to myself. Extremely tired and achy and bitchy.  Everything hurts and I could eat anything and everything and then sleep for many hours. 

So today when I received an email from a reader saying the password I sent him for the locked posts didn’t work I said, huh? wait? what? And that is when I realized that yesterday when I was low I was checking emails and replying with the wrong password AND I DON’T REMEMBER DOING THAT!