Monthly Archives: July 2011

Raw feeding….

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

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Good morning world.  Lately, even though I’ve been under some stress, I’ve been doing okay.  Surviving anyway.  Have some stressful work decisions to make soon, but what will be will be.
I’ve switched my beasties to a raw meat diet.  Not suggesting anyone else do it, but after much research it is right for us. 
Please enjoy the imagry of “tuna-head day”. 🙂

I live here

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

So, I live in the VI. I don’t know what I find more disturbing, my day…or the fact that it didn’t seem weird til now.
First, gave a local the stink eye and a snarky “good morning” when he didnt good morning the gas station. He received a pleasant smile when he apologized for his rudeness. Most of this conversation was done with body language. Spent the day playing which project is most urgent. One highlight was I got to see my boss laughing at my comment to a friend as I ran down the hall. (comment was: I don’t care who you are, if you whisper over the radio you sound like a perv!) I like making people laugh.
I give up on accomplishing anything at 5:30 and head home, stopping at subway. It was apparently crack head day at subway and after being asked for money twice I headed to the grocery store after eating my sammich of course. Where I enjoyed having the what does rapid air monitoring mean (i have fancy new covealls). After listening to the grocery lady’s newest drama I headed home.
I was handing out tonights dog food and there was an extra dog. Huh? Wait…what? Well hello tiny brown and white dog….
That’s when I realized….shit be weird.

June 8, 2011

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

I have a career dilemma and I have a song stuck in my head dilemma.  Obviously one is stressful (exciting?) and one is annoying ®  [what do you do with a drunken sailor…] The entire 3 people I told in the world (about the career dilemma) all encouraged me to sit down and write out the pros and cons of both career paths. [put him in the longboat til he’s sober, put him in the longboat til he’s sober, put him in the longboat til he’s sober, earl-aye in the morning…] to which I said pffft, watched some tv-went to bed and dreamt I forgot my birthday (yeah, I know I’m nuts).   This morning however I realized I might want to think some things through and maybe play a wee bit of career tag [put a live lobster in his trousers, put a live lobster in his trousers, put a live lobster in his trousers, earl-aye in the morning…]. 

So, as you may or may not know (or care) I have been working as a self employed (aka frakked) person for quite some time now.  I would bring up taxes but they literally give me hives.  I think about it…and poof—a hive.  [shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, earl-aye in the morning…] so I will just keep singing the song in my head to keep the hives away.   Anywhoodle, no kidding, there I was yesterday and I received what can only be described as a verbal job offer.  but not from the big company; from a contractor.  I say hmmmmmm.  What does someone do?  Well—here goes the pro/con listing:

Big Company/Independent Contracting vs. New Contractor

Screw it; both options are difficult and there is too much work to do to spend time thinking or worrying about what “may” be offered.

 

For your viewing pleasure please feel free to sing along to the song that WILL BE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD.

Intro:

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

Earl-aye in the morning?

Chorus:

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Earl-aye in the morning

Ending Chorus:

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

Earl-aye in the morning

Traditional verses:

1. Shave his belly with a rusty razor,(x3)

2. Put him in the long boat till he’s sober,(x3)

3. Put him in the scuppers with a hose-pipe on him.(x3)

4. Put him in bed with the captain’s daughter.(x3)

Song Pattern:song starts with the intro it then proceeds to the Chorus then it follows following pattern

Verse 1 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 2 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 3 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 4 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?, chorus

Ending Chorus

Thats what we do with a drunken sailor

Additional verses:

5. Beat him with a cat ’til his back is bleedin’

6. Put him in the bilge and make him drink it

7. Truss him up with a runnin’ bowline.

8. Give ‘im a dose of salt and water.

9. Stick on ‘is back a mustard plaster.

10. Send him up the crow’s nest till he falls down,

11. Tie him to the taffrail when she’s yardarm under,

12. Soak ‘im in oil ’til he sprouts a flipper.

13. Put him in the guard room ’til he’s sober.

14. That’s what we’ll do with the drunken sailor.

15. Shave his balls with a rusty razor.

Variations:

1+. Keep him there and make ‘im bale ‘er.

2a. Pull out the plug and wet him all over,

3a. Shave his back with a rusty razor.

4a. Give ‘im a taste of the bosun’s rope-end.

6a. Heave ‘im by the leg with a runnin’ bowline.

Variation Of Chorus:

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Earl-aye in the morning

 

June 2, 2011

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Have I mentioned my frustration with shipping things?  It is LARGE. 

The saddest part about my emotions these days is I have to run through a checklist of stupidity before I actually allow myself to have them; let’s do one together shall we?

Dilemma:  I feel ANGRY about something.  Hmmmm, interesting.  ~begins poking rage with mental stick~

  1.  Am I dehydrated?  When was the last beverage I drank? 
    1. Yes, I’m freaking dehydrated…I drank something maybe 12 hours ago.  ~cusses~

                                                               i.      Drink liquids – reevaluate rage in 20 minutes and begin at Step 1 again.

  1. No, and stop being stupid—I’m hydrated and still frakking ANGRY. GRRRRRR.

                                                               i.      Go to step 2

  1. Are you hungry/have you checked your blood sugar? (btw—the inner rage is NEVER happy with these questions and litany of cussing is ongoing)
    1. I hate you.  I haven’t eaten since yesterday and my blood sugar is 55 (LOW).  Fine.  I’ll eat.  GOD!!

                                                               i.      Eat food – reevaluate rage in 20 minutes and begin at Step 1 again.

  1. No bitch, I am NOT hungry and just to make you happy I tested and my blood sugar is a fine lovely 90 and I am getting ANGRIER! What!?!  You don’t trust that sometimes people are just jackasses and they deserve the HATE. 

                                                               i.      By all means you pain in the butt – Move on to step 3

  1. ~inner cringe~ I hate to ask…but have you checked the calendar? 
    1. *feels RAGE turning on self-questioning* Are you suggesting that a hormonal shift may be affecting our mood?  Are you daring to…oh, crap.  Yeah…okay, hang on. Maybe….

                                                               i.      Ask yourself if your rage is rational…would the average person be ANGRY about this? 

  1. If yes – move to step 4.
  2. If no – take a deep cleansing breath and let it go. 
  3. Alright you misogynist self-righteous pain in the butt, the “calendar event” you are referring to happened *last* week.   So nah, not that.  Aren’t we tired of trying to find other reasons we are mad?  We can just be ANGRY you know.  Sometimes it *is* the other person. 

                                                               i.      Move right on to step 4; I’m kinda agreeing with you—it probably *is* the other jackass.

  1. Last freakin’ thing—promise.  How are your meds going….you know, the “crazy anxiety depression” meds?  You still on top of those? Taking ‘em daily?
    1. FRAK YOU!!!! Of course I have been…crap.  Crap crap crappity crap.  ~kicks foot sheepishly~ uh.  Frak.  Forgot to stick them in the weekly pill thing.  Oopsie. 

                                                               i.      Mmmkay, mood swings common with accidental withdrawal of anti-anxiety meds.  It is quite possible whoever is making you rage is an ass-hat—however I would probably suggest letting this one go.  ‘Cause really…we have bigger problems.  Go fix your med-cocktail. 

  1. I have been taking them daily.  I am calm, clear, and seriously ANGRY. 

                                                               i.      Move on to step 5. 

  1. Kick. The. Crap. Out. Of. Whoever. Just. Made. You. Mad. Because OMG that was so hard just to being ANGRY** and/or take a nap (because that was freakin’ exhausting). 
    1. a.      **unless it is work related in which case write a strongly worded or passive-aggressive email depending on current mood.   

Sooo, that’s it.  That is the exhausting level of stupid for which I have to think through before I can be ANGRY.  It would probably be a better world if everyone had a checklist of the crap they should think about before becoming ANGRY an ass.  But, I admire the freedom to just be pissy that some people seem to enjoy. 

I hope everyone has a liquid and food filled non-hormonal fully medicated day,

-H.