June 8, 2011

I have a career dilemma and I have a song stuck in my head dilemma.  Obviously one is stressful (exciting?) and one is annoying ®  [what do you do with a drunken sailor…] The entire 3 people I told in the world (about the career dilemma) all encouraged me to sit down and write out the pros and cons of both career paths. [put him in the longboat til he’s sober, put him in the longboat til he’s sober, put him in the longboat til he’s sober, earl-aye in the morning…] to which I said pffft, watched some tv-went to bed and dreamt I forgot my birthday (yeah, I know I’m nuts).   This morning however I realized I might want to think some things through and maybe play a wee bit of career tag [put a live lobster in his trousers, put a live lobster in his trousers, put a live lobster in his trousers, earl-aye in the morning…]. 

So, as you may or may not know (or care) I have been working as a self employed (aka frakked) person for quite some time now.  I would bring up taxes but they literally give me hives.  I think about it…and poof—a hive.  [shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, earl-aye in the morning…] so I will just keep singing the song in my head to keep the hives away.   Anywhoodle, no kidding, there I was yesterday and I received what can only be described as a verbal job offer.  but not from the big company; from a contractor.  I say hmmmmmm.  What does someone do?  Well—here goes the pro/con listing:

Big Company/Independent Contracting vs. New Contractor

Screw it; both options are difficult and there is too much work to do to spend time thinking or worrying about what “may” be offered.


For your viewing pleasure please feel free to sing along to the song that WILL BE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD.


What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

Earl-aye in the morning?


Weigh heigh and up she rises

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Earl-aye in the morning

Ending Chorus:

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

Earl-aye in the morning

Traditional verses:

1. Shave his belly with a rusty razor,(x3)

2. Put him in the long boat till he’s sober,(x3)

3. Put him in the scuppers with a hose-pipe on him.(x3)

4. Put him in bed with the captain’s daughter.(x3)

Song Pattern:song starts with the intro it then proceeds to the Chorus then it follows following pattern

Verse 1 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 2 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 3 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 4 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?, chorus

Ending Chorus

Thats what we do with a drunken sailor

Additional verses:

5. Beat him with a cat ’til his back is bleedin’

6. Put him in the bilge and make him drink it

7. Truss him up with a runnin’ bowline.

8. Give ‘im a dose of salt and water.

9. Stick on ‘is back a mustard plaster.

10. Send him up the crow’s nest till he falls down,

11. Tie him to the taffrail when she’s yardarm under,

12. Soak ‘im in oil ’til he sprouts a flipper.

13. Put him in the guard room ’til he’s sober.

14. That’s what we’ll do with the drunken sailor.

15. Shave his balls with a rusty razor.


1+. Keep him there and make ‘im bale ‘er.

2a. Pull out the plug and wet him all over,

3a. Shave his back with a rusty razor.

4a. Give ‘im a taste of the bosun’s rope-end.

6a. Heave ‘im by the leg with a runnin’ bowline.

Variation Of Chorus:

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Earl-aye in the morning


June 2, 2011

Have I mentioned my frustration with shipping things?  It is LARGE. 

The saddest part about my emotions these days is I have to run through a checklist of stupidity before I actually allow myself to have them; let’s do one together shall we?

Dilemma:  I feel ANGRY about something.  Hmmmm, interesting.  ~begins poking rage with mental stick~

  1.  Am I dehydrated?  When was the last beverage I drank? 
    1. Yes, I’m freaking dehydrated…I drank something maybe 12 hours ago.  ~cusses~

                                                               i.      Drink liquids – reevaluate rage in 20 minutes and begin at Step 1 again.

  1. No, and stop being stupid—I’m hydrated and still frakking ANGRY. GRRRRRR.

                                                               i.      Go to step 2

  1. Are you hungry/have you checked your blood sugar? (btw—the inner rage is NEVER happy with these questions and litany of cussing is ongoing)
    1. I hate you.  I haven’t eaten since yesterday and my blood sugar is 55 (LOW).  Fine.  I’ll eat.  GOD!!

                                                               i.      Eat food – reevaluate rage in 20 minutes and begin at Step 1 again.

  1. No bitch, I am NOT hungry and just to make you happy I tested and my blood sugar is a fine lovely 90 and I am getting ANGRIER! What!?!  You don’t trust that sometimes people are just jackasses and they deserve the HATE. 

                                                               i.      By all means you pain in the butt – Move on to step 3

  1. ~inner cringe~ I hate to ask…but have you checked the calendar? 
    1. *feels RAGE turning on self-questioning* Are you suggesting that a hormonal shift may be affecting our mood?  Are you daring to…oh, crap.  Yeah…okay, hang on. Maybe….

                                                               i.      Ask yourself if your rage is rational…would the average person be ANGRY about this? 

  1. If yes – move to step 4.
  2. If no – take a deep cleansing breath and let it go. 
  3. Alright you misogynist self-righteous pain in the butt, the “calendar event” you are referring to happened *last* week.   So nah, not that.  Aren’t we tired of trying to find other reasons we are mad?  We can just be ANGRY you know.  Sometimes it *is* the other person. 

                                                               i.      Move right on to step 4; I’m kinda agreeing with you—it probably *is* the other jackass.

  1. Last freakin’ thing—promise.  How are your meds going….you know, the “crazy anxiety depression” meds?  You still on top of those? Taking ‘em daily?
    1. FRAK YOU!!!! Of course I have been…crap.  Crap crap crappity crap.  ~kicks foot sheepishly~ uh.  Frak.  Forgot to stick them in the weekly pill thing.  Oopsie. 

                                                               i.      Mmmkay, mood swings common with accidental withdrawal of anti-anxiety meds.  It is quite possible whoever is making you rage is an ass-hat—however I would probably suggest letting this one go.  ‘Cause really…we have bigger problems.  Go fix your med-cocktail. 

  1. I have been taking them daily.  I am calm, clear, and seriously ANGRY

                                                               i.      Move on to step 5. 

  1. Kick. The. Crap. Out. Of. Whoever. Just. Made. You. Mad. Because OMG that was so hard just to being ANGRY** and/or take a nap (because that was freakin’ exhausting). 
    1. a.      **unless it is work related in which case write a strongly worded or passive-aggressive email depending on current mood.   

Sooo, that’s it.  That is the exhausting level of stupid for which I have to think through before I can be ANGRY.  It would probably be a better world if everyone had a checklist of the crap they should think about before becoming ANGRY an ass.  But, I admire the freedom to just be pissy that some people seem to enjoy. 

I hope everyone has a liquid and food filled non-hormonal fully medicated day,


May 31, 2011

~whiny much?  sorry for that.~

Ya ever walk into work and realize there is so much to do that you short circuit and basically spin in a circle accomplishing nothing and become more frantic and less capable as the day where’s on?

Yeah…that was my day.

It all started with a broken toaster oven, a failed attempt at toasting a bagel using a pan, and giving up and eating ruffles and ice cream (not together–what am I? Insane?) for breakfast.

I stand by the fact that taking mondays off always screws my following week up.


Ah. My blood sugars are high, I’m popping advil like mad, and I’m in a fog. That equals Infection. Where you ask?  My ear. That’s right. My right goddamn ear.

All I wanna do is go to bed. 😦


Mmm’kay – update:  much better after a couple days of antibiotics.

May 11, 2011

(I have been keeping some stuff “in the can” as they say.  So I am posting them titled the date they were written.  They will probably never be in order.  muah!)

Holy shit.  I’m broke.  Like stupid broke.  Like—put up a paypal button hey folks send me money broke. 

I will be okay.  Or so goes the continued mantra in my head.  Over, and over, and over and over.  In other news, my phone got shut off because I forgot to pay the correct amount of the bill.  Oopsie.I talked my way back into service even though I couldn’t actually afford to pay the entire amount.  That was a fun thing to realize at 2AM when I felt suddenly trapped and alone and unable to call out.  I almost went to work just to have the ability to call someone.  Which I realized was insane and started emailing people instead. 

So much is going on.  The divorce.  I’m throwing a party for a pregnant friend.  The lack of money.  The Divorce.  the amount of information completely random people want in regards to the divorce.  Did I mention I am getting divorced?   When people ask me for the details it fills me with an intense white hot rage of angry.   Here is a quick re-cap – “who’s fault?” besides none of yer damn business the best answer is both of us.  I asked for the divorce.  Yes it is the right decision.  No, neither of us are happy.  No, neither of us are going to be okay for a while.  Ugh…just talking about this is making me ill.  So, moving on. 

Yesterday I finally took a deep breath and answered a bill collector regarding my mortgage which in my infinite wisdom I have been ignoring.  Because if you ignore it; it goes away. 

Heee.  Nope.  it doesn’t.  like all horrifying things in life the more you ignore it the bigger and angrier it becomes. 

In other news—I want thai food.

In other other news – I’ve become obsessed with flossing my teeth.

In other news – my co-worker was becoming a great giant pain in my ass before I realized he was just freaking out.  Similar to the way I am freaking out except he is freaking out in a ‘omg I am going to be a father in like a month and then I have to take some time off and this place is going to fall apart without me or worse it will get better in which case I have just proven my uselessness omg what if my job isn’t here when I come back I am going to be a father holy crap’ kind of way.   Whereas my freak out is more in line with a ‘omg omg omg omg I feel free but poor and I love him but I don’t want to be married to him anymore how much of this debt can I survive oh gods not much but I can’t keep supporting him any longer it is too much it is never going to end and he is never happy no matter what I do and I don’t want to feel unlovable any more why is there no thai food in my world holy crap the work around this place never gets less oh well I am just one person’ kind of way. 

Well, fuck me sideways.  Just had a rousing discussion with a co-worker about the difference between women who dislike women (I can’t ever hang out with women) and men who are overly soliticitous of women.   And then party planning happened and omg I am overwhelmed with crap to do.


And then the epa showed up.  It’s going to be a long-ass day.