Random Work Funny

So, my boss’s boss wrote that we should get her all of our emergency contact information ASAP but for all she knew our offices were closed today anyway due to Hurricane Matthew and did we have an emergency back-up office (who the frak has emergency back up offices?!) prepared?

*blinks* ummmm? Dear nice lady in New York, um…..you know we aren’t in Jamaica or Haiti, right?

I created a helpful info-graphic to assist my boss in explaining to her boss a little bit about Caribbean geography.


Now, I don’t think she will actually send this handy little map, but it still makes me giggle.


Ugh. feelz. 

So, I hate people right now. I know, hate is bad, getting sucked into a vortex of negatively isn’t healthy, blah blah blah. 

But I have been circling the emotional drain these days anyway, so what’s a little rage gonna do, make me sadder? meh. 

Made some positive steps, found a new doctor – a real one. *sigh* It is so damned stressful to go in and try to explain all of my numerous issues and meds without them either freaking out or not caring. Also, I inherited a wonderful *brave happy face* gene from my mother that causes me to immediately put other people at ease over my own comfort and well-being. In other words, when at doctor and I say something like, “I’ve been a little stressed lately.” actually means something like, “I’ve been afraid to leave my house and I have weekly panic attacks and I keep wishing I was dead.” 


I also went to a Yoga class on Sunday and that was wonderful! see, positive changes n’ stuff. 

it will all be okay, at least it should feel okay eventually, right? But it almost feels like now that everything in my life is going okay, now I’m feeling all the things and it is fucking with my ability to function.

I lost my shit a little bit last night in dog training class. I am working with Piper & Ziesa (when I can wake Ziesa up anyway); neither are naturals at obedience. In one class there is this beautiful dog that loves obedience and is just responsive and wonderful. That dog’s human said to her dog like, “as soon as you get happier with other dogs, you’ll be perfect!” 

…and it felt like my heart physically cracked in half. I had a perfect dog (okay, I know he was not perfect, but he was perfect for me and so responsive and trainable and made me so fucking happy) and the universe thought it a good idea to kill him in a stupid fucking slow, painful, and ridiculous way for no good fucking reason. It wasn’t fair (I know the world isn’t fair). It wasn’t kind (I know the world isn’t kind). It hurt me. It still hurts me. It has been 6 months, and it still fucking hurts me every fucking day. 

I want to be over it. I want to move forward. I want to be better. Hell, I would be happy to just fucking feel okay. 

Okay, feelings-time needs to be over now. 



what fresh hell?

​My brain is a special place, I recommend it as a fun vacation location, but ya probably don’t wanna live there: ouchie chemical burn due to unfortunate Nair attempt? – meh, no big deal. WAPA surge or bad wiring causes a very important electrical outlet to melt (the fuck) out of the wall? meh, we’ll figure it out. no need to freak out about not having water….it’s fine.  Wait, I lost one of the silicone earbud cover for my headphones? – *breaks down sobbing* this is NOT how I want to live! The end is nigh, etc. etc.

Seriously?! We need to talk.

Dear body, we need to talk: feet & calves? please stop cramping – it’s just rude. Stomach & esophagus? Maybe stop with the boiling acid – it’s not helpful. Lower right jaw? Dude, you can be all weird and throbby but I have had you x-ray’d and you are like the 3rd dental priority following replacement of the teeth & crowns I have crushed via clenching, so maybe calm your tits. Tits? Carry on being awesome.  Hands? Calm down the shooting pains and knuckle arthritis aching, I’m not even using you all that much, so why all the rage? Cervical spine – carry-on with your low to medium creepy nerve pain; hey, it’s better than average. Lastly, brain? Dude–calm. it. the. fuck. down. The constant zooming thoughts of crap I need to remember but never will is not all that helpful for sleeping.
In conclusion body, I’m hurting pretty badly this night and it’s making sleep impossible because I’ve been significantly shorting myself on pain management meds because I stupidly ordered refills too late and my doctor has moved away and the thought of explaining my vast quantity of medical crap to a new doctor sounds equally as horrifying as going back to the band-aid-give-me-whatever-I-ask-for doctor that I used to have. I just can’t, but yet I have to….regardless, body? for my part in this debacle – I’m sorry, but holy crap-could you please turn down the cacophony of ouchie?  

Not Namaste

So, I went on a date night during the full moon last week. It was pretty spiffy, paid $20 each, got a t-shirt and a bouncy off-road jeep ride to a tall plateau with an amazing view of the island. Being an industrious sort, I brought Cards Against Humanity and a first aid kit. Yay, didn’t need the first aid kit and yay! did play CAH and met some lovely (horrible) people. I socialized and chatted and acted somewhat like a normal person; whatever that may mean.
While up on that hill I ran into someone I used to do. Actually, he was Internet installer guy from many moons ago. We shared a big ole’ hug and cheek smooches and confirmed we are both doing okay. [people, take note, that is, imho, the only acceptable way to great anyone who has seen you orgasm. If you act all awkward and weird, you’re acting weird and everyone can tell how awkward you are acting so knock it off]. I introduced him to the boyfriend and indicated using that tricksy human body language that although it was great to see him, I’m still super happy with boyfriend and am doing good and he should TOTALLY keep flirting with the chick in the hat cause she is adorable. Now, Internet Installer Guy (IIG), he and I were never meant to be in a relationship together and we both knew it and were great at being friends, but we always had a connection that I could never quite put into words until now, “the pain in me recognizes the pain in you”. I’m sure you’ve heard, either in Yoga or from random hippies the term “Namaste” which is said to mean, “the light/good in me recognizes the light/good in you”. Well, I googled my version and couldn’t find a single word that met my definition–but dang it, that’s what our “connection” is based on. At various painful times in our respective lives, we comforted each other and a friendship grew from that and I think that is pretty damn cool.
I don’t have anything else exciting to share about my date night, it was fun to get out and do something different, the atmosphere was great and the view was damn magical. Oh yeah, I totally got some nooky the next day (Wooh!).

Today’s Adventure

Today’s Random Adventure: So, following my morning doctor’s appointment (hey, insulin refills are a thing!) and getting no horrible news about Herbert (sick doggie) I decided to grab subway before heading into work (no, this is not about my sandwich). On my way out I spied a little older lady sitting in her car with the hood up.  Seeing her grumpy/flummoxed expression I couldn’t just leave her there so I asked, “is everything okay, ma’am?”.  Unsurprisingly, her vehicle wouldn’t start. I listened to the whirr-click as she tried to start it and went into the back for the jumper cables. Then after realizing the cars were about 6 inches too far apart for them to reach (dammit) I moved the jimmy closer. I hooked up the jumper cables, gave it a couple minutes, then she tried to start it again….whrrr-click.

“hrmph” I said, ever so eloquently – then tested cables to see if they sparked…nope, no sparky, “hrrrrrrrrmph”.

Called boyfriend to confirm he hadn’t done something weird to the battery and/or cables and he said, “yup, I tried the cables last week and they didn’t work.” Continuing my streak of eloquence I replied, “hrmph”.

At this point, Little Older Lady decided to walk to gas station next door to see if they had jumper cables to buy or to use….fyi – no. they don’t. that would be silly.

Thankfully, by the time she had gotten back, I had thought it through and while mumbling very important electrical words along the lines of, “mmm  hrmph mumble complete circuit mmmm hrmph insulation hrmph” I used my handy pocket knife that I keep in my (often handier) insulin/med pouch to strip the insulation on the bad negative sides of the cables, reconnect them to the other side of the clamp, and use Bashkins (the teeny tiny sledgehammer that has lived in the car since the fuel pump started going out (now replaced) and we had to bang on the fuel tank to get the fuel pump to get started – shut up. I love the jimmy – it runs!) to bend the connectors to fit. Then I reconnected and got the tiny little old lady’s car started. After it was all over we exchanged names (hers: Barbara) and she was very thankful. It felt nice to do something good for someone as well as to use some basic electrical knowledge to MacGyver some jumper cables.

Aside: Her car, I would like to point out, *is* rarely driven but she starts it once per day and only drives it when she has to go put fuel in it. I checked her oil and he other fluids were all at correct levels. The engine looked amazing. I am only saying this because I thought that the little old lady car that is perfectly well maintained was just a used car unicorn myth! today, today I saw that unicorn!


Okay, where’s my (damn) tricorder?

AAAAAAAAGH! Okay, let me start out by saying I am not a doctor. I have never played a doctor on tv. In this lifetime, I have absolutely no desire to ever become a doctor.

that doesn’t mean I don’t find medical crap fascinating.

When I was about 30ish I went through moderate medical diagnostic hell trying to figure out what was wrong with my head (shut up, not in the crazy way) because I repeatedly felt like I a nasty sinus infection. Over the course of a year it was determined I had been having migraines which was then found to be triggered by a dying tooth. That damn tooth was an asshole. Once the asshole tooth had been vanquished, no more migraines.

(*sigh* until lately. Yes, I believe I currently have a new tooth vying for biggest asshole tooth title. But that isn’t what this is about because Shut Up! My bottom right side of my teeth are fucking FINE and I will deal with it eventually *sigh* Adulting is fucking hard.)

Anyway, all of that lead in was to tell you the following: my work skype account had a weird advertisement on the top of it for the past few days:

migraine what

Finally, today I couldn’t fight the curiosity (what the hell is a security transdermal patch?, zombie security?, aaaaah, I must know) and I clicked.

And, I should have known – I searched for migraine symptoms last week and now I’m a target for migraine med ads. *sigh* But, being a medical crap nerd, I kept reading. Hmmmm, a transdermal system? kinda cool, so I read the instructions…thigh or arm, okay….make sure white thing is stuck to sticker thing before sticking it on….yep, makes sense.  wait a second? why the fuck are there batteries…? a button? a light? what in the star trekkedy hell is this?  at first I thought – oh, okay, you wear this every day and then push the button when you have a migraine? nope, it only goes on for four hours.

So, I have no clue why a transdermal patch needs batteries and a button, but by golly they got me to look at it so it may be just pure marketing genius combined with some form of ionization of the meds? not quite sure, but it’s pretty fancy.

I have no idea if this stuff works, hopefully I will never ever have to use it. But I do like buttons with lights so if we could work on making that happen with some of my regular meds, that would be cool! thanks!