Locking my keys in my car was NOT a ploy.

No, seriously–it wasn’t. But if I weren’t me I wouldn’t believe me either.  I have a neighbor who I used to work with and he is, for lack of a better term, dreamy….~sigh~. Like all humans I am certain he has his pluses and minuses but the fun part of a crush is I don’t really know much about him.

So, I saw him cutting his grass and sent him a text (yes, I am *quite* subtle thank you very much) that initially said, “wow, you are damn pretty” but I had to change the pretty to good looking because he got offended when I called him pretty.  I noticed that he hadn’t replied in about an hour and sent him a follow-up which said something along the lines of, “uh…did you not enjoy my incredibly smooth come on?” because, again, I have NO moves. Seriously, none. I scare off more people with my direct approach than should be legally allowed. Needless to say, still no reply. About 3 hours later I realized if I wanted to eat anything I needed to go to the grocery store and with a sigh of grumpitude I heaved my butt off the bed and put on shoes. I felt incredibly proud of myself that I even remembered to grab the reusable bags! And then when I attempted to open my car door–it was locked. And there were my brightly colored keys glinting in the moonlight on the seat.  And then I blushed. No, no…I mean–B.L.U.S.H.E.D.

Now, you are thinking: but H!? that happens! people lock their keys in their cars once in a while. Yes, and that was the third time in the month of January. After the first time where we spent way too much time with wire and shims and luck breaking into my car I gave my one spare key to my neighbor figuring I would be hedging my bets. The second time I locked them in the car was in the KMart parking lot. Thankfully he just unlocked it and hid my keys and I didn’t have to face anyone. But now! after the ‘good looking’ ever-so-subtle text messages of earlier. Fuck. After gently banging my head into the roof of my car for a few minutes I began the walk to my neighbors while I made the dreaded phone call.

Serioulsy? would you believe I didn’t do that on purpose (okay, maybe *you readers* will because I let you in to read the whole story–but if you were the hot guy being flirted with would you not have thought–“whoa–desperate”; yeah–me too!)

So, after answering the phone and I explained the shameful situation and explained I was on my way he told me that he was out and that he wouldn’t be returning home tonight so he would swing by quickly. I was impressed hot guy went on overnight play dates–had I been more on my game and not fully flushed with embarrassment I would have asked to go along–but then he explained he had to go to his mothers. So, embarrassment saved some extra blushing there. (YAY!)

It was about then that he arrived and you are going to love this part, ready? I opened my mouth and explained I was sorry for the text messages earlier and that I really didn’t do this on purpose but I understand if he doesn’t believe me. He then replied, “you sent me text messages?” and immediately picked up his phone to read them.

DAMMIT! Busted. well-played, world–well-played indeed.

It this were a fair and just universe then I would have coerced him into the land of nookie; but alas he just sorta laughed at me with a serious glint–but by that point I was too far past embarrassed to care and laughed along as well.

Recently I learned that I am the opposite of his type: he likes short, thin, and dark complected whereas for those of you who don’t know I am tall, thick, and pasty. Oh well, it was worth a try; after all I have GOT to learn some moves. (seriously, I have no moves).

the damn internets are trying to make me cry.

I hope everyone got more sleep than I did last night. I wish I had a good reason for not being able to sleep but nope, I was alone. ~sigh~

So, during today’s lunchtime internet exploration I watched the halftime show (meh) and then some of the commercials. The damn Clydesdale baby horse grows up and reunites with trainer was all heartbreaking and then there was an article about a man giving his dying dog one last perfect day and I became extremely damp and weepy.

Yes, I annoyed myself – so I came here to write that down and get my brain out of whatever wet hole it accidentally fell in.

Additionally, since I watched a portion of the Superbowl with a bunch of boys I am extremely glad I didn’t see that Clydesdale commercial in public. It says a lot about me that while with a group of people having fun watching the Superbowl I really just wanted to get home to check on my toilet repair (I think it is going to hold! ~grin~). The food was great; next time I will bring embroidery or something equally ridiculous.

Okay, so maybe I am in a wee bit of a contrary mood today. ~smile~


Sleep was hard so I gave up.

And good evening to everyone, I was tired when I got into bed but alas sleep remained an elusive bitch so I thought I would write. I don’t know what I am going to write; but here I go with the writing:  A thought occurred to me this evening that maybe can explain to those who have always wondered why I live here when there are so many ‘challenges’ to living here compared to living stateside. There are many amazing things in the states; not the least of which include taco bell, dunkin donuts, fast service, being able to ignore strangers, food delivery, flower delivery, mail delivered right to your house! There are a billion other great things about living stateside but the reason I prefer to live here is because I really appreciate them when I visit. 

To say I am a consumer is an understatement. I am exactly the type of person advertising folks love–is it new? is it shiny? Then I need it! The unfortunate reality is when I lived in the states I used things to try to feel better about my life–and forgive me for stating the obvious but that doesn’t work. 

So, I now live in a place where I have the opportunity to shop at KMart, OfficeMax, and the newest big chain store on-island–Home Depot. There are obviously other small stores but in regards to big chain stores that is about it. Please don’t get me wrong, those places are fine and everyone here uses them; but I (thankfully) do not have a million options of where to shop and where to eat and I like it that way. So, when I go stateside to visit or for a training seminar I get an amazing rush of OH. MY. GAWD. Look at it all! that it is almost like a roller coaster and I excitedly go up and down aisles with a huge grin on my face. And then I notice the other shoppers completely unaware and uncaring about how incredible it is that they have access to all of it, all of the time; or worse complaining loudly because the starbucks in the target food area is out of whipped cream and how could that have happened and that lack of whipped cream on their caramel whatsit has ruined EVERYTHING. I always want to walk up to these people and shake them and try to wake them up to have some damn joy. 

So, why do I live here? So I do not turn back into that incredibly joyless person accumulating crap because it felt good and expecting everything to be perfect all of the time. Shit does happen. You plan, you prepare, and if something goes wrong you work with it. 

If everyone could do me a favor? Next time you are shopping stop for just a second and look around. Think about how incredible it is that there are places you can go and purchase just about anything you want at just about any time that you want. Remember that the people working there are people with lives and dramas and joys of their very own and then smile like a fool and zip your butt up and down the aisles and embrace some damn joy. 

And if the damn place is out of something you wanted–suck it up, buttercup; you will be okay.