Well, that was a mistake.

I was feeling smart almost as if I ‘knew stuff’.  I just attempted 2 different online sample tests for the Certified Industrial Hygiene exam and now all I have is a lot of acid trying to eat its way through my esophagus. Well, poop.  Now I feel special in that not so special way as well as having a headache.  I may be too smart(ass) for my own life but too slow for my chosen career path.  ~sad face~

In other news I leave on Friday for Jamaica.  Yeah, that’s right bitches–I’m going on a vacation!!  My first real adult vacation where I am going to a completely DIFFERENT tropical island than the one I live on.   The timing of this vacation could be said to be a wee bit….well, bad.  You know, what with the refinery closing and this being a very dangerous time with the draining of the units and my people working out in them.  But NO.  dang it.  NO.  They are not offering to pay my vacation off to get me to stay and this vacation was paid for before I even began working at this company.  If I go I will be losing quite a bit of $; so…no.  I am going.  My cell phone has been “upgraded” to international by said company so I can be bothered by calls every single day…that will be restful. ~grump~ 

The mood of this place is weird.  If I had $5 for every time someone asked me my plans I would probably have enough money for a second trip to Jamaica.  Over 90% of the people I have spoken with are planning to move back to the contiguous states.  I don’t know why, but the thought of moving back to the states makes my brain go clunk.  I’m not discounting anything, but whoooo-boy do I hate moving.

Alright, I am off to find more tums before an alien bursts out of my chest. 


I’m a special special person…

…let me count the ways.
1. I don’t drink enough (any) water.
2. When I’m completely overwhelmed with life events I stop taking medications which are very important.
3. When I am stressed out I ignore my body. “I have to pee,” whimpers my body–SUCK IT UP I HAVE TO CONTINUE PANICKING. I pee about 6 hours later. ~sigh~
4. These things combine together to cause me to get a UTI. Which I ignore and just keep getting more depressed and exhausted and I cry. A lot. Thinking I’m just more and more depressed.
5. It all finally occurs to me and I say to myself (again), “I need to be smarter about my body; I won’t let this happen again. Dammit”.

I was told by uber boss today that my obvious depression was “bringing him down” and that while I was doing great at the “quiet” plan he missed the happy smiles. He made a “psychiatric commitment” joke–that’s when I started trying to think it through.
….and that’s why I am special–*face-pillow*

The day after…

January 19, 2012

~deep sigh~ it happened yesterday.  The thing I’ve known would eventually happen—but dreaded it at the same time.  My first notification came at around 07:00—the refinery was going to close.

Well, shit.

The entire island feels like a hospital room after a patient dies.  We’re still here, still have responsibilities—but we need to mourn.

There is so much to do…no-one knows where to begin. No-one knows their future, no-one knows what is next.  Everyone has to remain concerned about themselves but we are all grieving on a level higher than that as well—the refinery that was a cornerstone of the structure of this island—is done.   The structure that was so very fragile to begin with is now in the process of being destroyed.

I say again, shit. 

I have no words of wisdom and very little hope for what is going to happen now. Am I scared? No.  But I think that’s because I’m numb.  While explaining to workers what had happened—people I have worried over, treated ouchies, fed candy, and yelled at when needed; my heart broke.  

And that is when I went numb.

I’m back in here today – still numb, still a little overwhelmed.  Time to keep breathing and pray. 

Love, -H.

I’m so tired.

I know I’m so tired because I’m sitting on the toilet reading work emails even though I finished peeing a good 10 minutes ago. The dogs keep running in to check on me and after one particularly annoying email I put my face in Freckles’ ruff and cried, “freckles, why are they so douchey?!? Did you know they are so douchey?” this obviously registered to freckles as “go get my bone and chew”.
So now I have to decide whether to take the boots off so I can take the coveralls off and then underclothes and then shower. But this leads to the dilemma of my bag is in the car.
If I take my boots off and then have to go out to the car I either go barefoot and pray for no centipedes….or I put the coveralls all the way back on, leaving boots in place and then get stuff from car.
This dilemma has to be solved before my feet go numb.
~sighs….reaches for boots~