January 19, 2012

~deep sigh~ it happened yesterday.  The thing I’ve known would eventually happen—but dreaded it at the same time.  My first notification came at around 07:00—the refinery was going to close.

Well, shit.

The entire island feels like a hospital room after a patient dies.  We’re still here, still have responsibilities—but we need to mourn.

There is so much to do…no-one knows where to begin. No-one knows their future, no-one knows what is next.  Everyone has to remain concerned about themselves but we are all grieving on a level higher than that as well—the refinery that was a cornerstone of the structure of this island—is done.   The structure that was so very fragile to begin with is now in the process of being destroyed.

I say again, shit. 

I have no words of wisdom and very little hope for what is going to happen now. Am I scared? No.  But I think that’s because I’m numb.  While explaining to workers what had happened—people I have worried over, treated ouchies, fed candy, and yelled at when needed; my heart broke.  

And that is when I went numb.

I’m back in here today – still numb, still a little overwhelmed.  Time to keep breathing and pray. 

Love, -H.