>Dear Gastronemeus Soleus,

>Sweetie, I know I never call you by your full name but I needed you to know how serious I am. Calf, honey, how could you? Sure, I was hopping over to get a glass out of the cabinet, trying to make myself look silly–but that was no reason to try to LEAVE ME! You've been with me my whole life–you know I'm silly; I have ALWAYS been silly.
Tearing away like that, well, it hurt. A lot.
Please come back Calfie. I can't go on without you.

(p.s. Muscle tearing in your calf muscle makes a very disturbing POP! I am still skeeved out by that noise. Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation baby!!!!)

>Son of a…

>Last night in my slumbering happiness I heard the mousetrap go off. "Got One!!!" I thought triumphantly then proceeded to have bad dreams about a rat dying a horrible death.
*sigh*
All of it to NO AVAIL. Traps are EMPTY.

The war continues.

On to other news. My landlord is back on island because my crazy neighbor (remember? Kevin? Loony bin, etc.?)went back to Boston and my newer fun neighbors (who btw, keep feeding my dogs biscuits like they're fattening them up for slaughter. They feed me too…wait a minute…..:) kidding-they're awesome)will be moving to the smaller, less pricey apt.
Anywhoodle, I now know where the mice problem came from. Darn you Krazy Kevin!!!! The mice are running rampant in the apartment next door. It is very possible they hung out with him while watching television. It was only a matter of time before they snuck over.
Happy Weekend people!!!

>Oh. My. Freakin’. God.

>seriously. SERIOUSLY??!!
Guess who waved at me this morning.
Yep. Mr. Freakin’ Mouse.

There he was, chillin yet again in my bathroom.
I should start using a sharpie on the little dudes to see if they are the SAME ONE.
Because I was able to catch it with the same pans as last night mouse.
And let’s be honest–how many mice can be that freakin’ stupid as to be caught by a half naked bleary-eyed human armed with only a saucepan and a frying pan at 6:17AM?? At least this time I wasn’t fully naked. I say that because I unwittingly inflicted my tank top and underwear-clad ass on my neighbors as I stomped outside with this morning’s mouse.

I am contemplating the poison route–however, around here that can really contaminate your water source (cistern) as the poison makes mice very thirsty before they die. And I am too much of a wuss to actually kill them when I catch them.

I know, but they’re fuzzy. and kind of cute. WHEN THEY ARE NOT CRAPPING ON MY COUNTER.

>Mouse War

>I got home after work, showered, put on pjs, and settled in when my phone rang. Some people I know invited me out to dinner. Despite the fact that it involved me having to locate and put on clothes–I decided what the heck.
So out to dinner I went.
When I returned home I disrobed in the living room (oh the joys of living alone!) and went into the bathroom. As I flipped on the light switch there, in the sink, was THE MOUSE. Just sitting there, looking at me with a definite, "what's up? You were out late" expression. I made a frustrated noise sounding somewhat like the wookie from star wars and said, "don't move".
Oddly, it listened and I was able to capture the beastie in a pan.
Ok. Then the dilemma. Naked, no shoes, a mouse in a pan–no lid.
Opening the front door I flung him. He ran as fast as his little legs could take him.
Hope he was traumatized enough to stay away.
Dammit.

>mouse

>Dear Mouse,
I saw you, you jerk. You ran right past me twice–and I'm pretty sure the last time you stopped and flipped me off.
I was going to try to catch you and let you go, but I have cleaned your filthy fecal matter off my counter one too many times. Who poops on the counter?!?! Jerk.
So, I admit it, last night I bought the kind of traps that snap your little spine. And I'm feeling rather bloodthirsty about it–I ran downstairs this morning like it was Death Christmas. As I looked forlornly at my set yet empty traps you ran right in front of me, did a vault OVER the trap, and flipped me off on the landing. What. The. Hell?!?
This is war mouse.
This is war.

>It. Is. In. My. Apartment.

>I saw it. I saw the little disgusting poops on the counter. I saw the telltale nibble into my granola bar wrapper.
But tonight. Tonight I saw my arch enemy! He scurried next to my fridge. I have set two devious (okay, really not all that devious–just ur standard mousetrap really) traps for them and, since my husband before he left hid the peanut butter in a place I could not uncover (his belly?) I bated the traps with pepper jelly.
Who knows, maybe they are fans of pepper jelly.
Anyway. The furry little pooping bastards is GOING DOWN!

Also, important tip. When your laying in bed and you feel a little something on your arm. Turn on the light and look before you brush it of. It is never "nothing" here. Bugs love me. And want to spend an inappropriate amount of time on me.
Goodnight ya'll.