>so much to say….

>hey folks! so, hi…i know i have not written much lately but hoooo-boy is there a lot going on. I’m trying to figure out where in the story to start….
well, tonight George had his first big bone. Who is George you ask? George is a big wiggly stupid dog that I love….even if he is a pain in the butt.

So…guess what?

Ready for this? I’m going to drop some news here.  I don’t like sex without love.  Yeah, I know…right? Me the sex addict needs the emotional support of sex with love.  Please don’t get me wrong here-I want, nay need, the pleasure, the pain, the release of deep naughty, tied up, biting, body rush orgasms where there are as many whispered dirty words as moments of joyful laughter. 
However, that once popular “hook-up” mentalilty in my brain has been replaced with recognition of my need for love. 
If you are asking yourself what has changed, what has given Haven insight into her needs I can answer that in one hyphenated word:
It sucks and I get it BAD.  During my light, mostly online flirtation within the BDSM community where I can be myself, let go, and get the release I need I have learned that without loving aftercare, whether it be with sweetly spoken words over the phone or adoring texts I will drop into a depression.  This same thing used to happen to me back in college with the random hookups.  There was not much in the way of BDSM back then, but the hookups who spent the night and remained friends always left me in a great mental state. 
So, when I have physical body to body sex with my husband and he immediately leaves when he is done to watch tv or make a sandwich (or both) it affects me negatively. It is a funny stereotype in sitcoms; but in reality it is horrid.
So, my beloved readers, remember the aftercare of anyone you spend time with whether it be a hookup (which I can tell you from personal experience CAN be amazingly loving) or “boring” marital sex.  The importance of remembering that your sex partner is a person with needs and wants is just as important as orgasms (I want to be trite here and say “if not more so” but let’s be real here – orgasms are damn important!) 
Much love!!


If there is a drug out there that could remove my personality…well, more specifically remove my excess personality, calm me down, remove my anxiety, and allow me to be articulate and productive should I take it? I don’t feel depressed, I don’t feel anything really.  No ups, no downs…just beige. 
Yes folks, I have begun treatment for adult ADD.  I got in trouble last week at work and this caused me to rethink myself.  I have always staunchly refused to not be myselfat work.  Sure, I’m inapropriate, loud, obnoxious, think about sex all the time, get emotionally traumatized daily…but that is *me*.  Except this time a stupid little flippant comment really upset a lot of people and that caused someone I respect to have a lot more problems due to *me*. 
So, I’m taking my adderall.  It has all but eliminated my anxiety, I’m not wallowing in my own depressed thoughts. 
As I said to a loved Demon today, its like a personality muffler. 
I’m going to putter around the house some more.  Hope everyone is peaceful today. 

Happy New Year!

Hey folks.  I did nothing too exciting and nothing sexual for the new year.  But I’m in a very good place.   A new year, a new zen. 🙂 
I’ll admit it! im boring. I went out to a delicious dinner last night around 7pm, stopped at the grocery store, came home and watched some tv before conking out a litte bit after midnight.  It was peaceful, relaxed, and gosh darnit pretty good. 
this morning i woke up and took a walk with some friends down to the beach.  they brought their 2 dogs and my 2+foster came along as well. 
foster dog, i should tell you all about foster dog.  His name is Goofus George.  Almost 2 months ago my mother, sister, and I went to the animal shelter. I caught a glimpse of 2 emaciated tall black dogs and asked my friend who works there what was their deal.  She told me they were pure bred coonhounds who were owned by a police officer and that the shelter wasin court trying to get him in trouble for abuse of the dogs.  They had been tied in a field and pretty much left to die.  Every single bone was articulated through the skin and she told me that they were both heartworm positive.  I looked my friend dead in the face and said i would care for one of them.  I knew i couldnt afford nor have the space for both, but I could help one…
time went by and both dogs rebounded back into health, gaining 20 to 30 pounds each and still remained underweight.  the court case completed and the police officer was told he could have the dogs back (!!??) as long as he provided receipts for dog food.  He never came to pick them up.  I picked up this sweet boy last thursday.  He is a challenge, and goofy, but most of all he is sweet.  We are learning everything for the first time incuding what its like to be fed all you can eat, what its like to sleep on soft things, what a leash is, the list goes on. 
I don’t really have the time, the money, or the space for this boy…but I couldnt just let him wait in a cage to be put down after spending all his short life before that starved and unloved.  It is bad enough I could only take the one.  But, every little bit of good I can do hopefully inspires other little bits of good.  Love you all!