Ready for this? I’m going to drop some news here.  I don’t like sex without love.  Yeah, I know…right? Me the sex addict needs the emotional support of sex with love.  Please don’t get me wrong here-I want, nay need, the pleasure, the pain, the release of deep naughty, tied up, biting, body rush orgasms where there are as many whispered dirty words as moments of joyful laughter. 
However, that once popular “hook-up” mentalilty in my brain has been replaced with recognition of my need for love. 
If you are asking yourself what has changed, what has given Haven insight into her needs I can answer that in one hyphenated word:
Sub-drop.
It sucks and I get it BAD.  During my light, mostly online flirtation within the BDSM community where I can be myself, let go, and get the release I need I have learned that without loving aftercare, whether it be with sweetly spoken words over the phone or adoring texts I will drop into a depression.  This same thing used to happen to me back in college with the random hookups.  There was not much in the way of BDSM back then, but the hookups who spent the night and remained friends always left me in a great mental state. 
So, when I have physical body to body sex with my husband and he immediately leaves when he is done to watch tv or make a sandwich (or both) it affects me negatively. It is a funny stereotype in sitcoms; but in reality it is horrid.
So, my beloved readers, remember the aftercare of anyone you spend time with whether it be a hookup (which I can tell you from personal experience CAN be amazingly loving) or “boring” marital sex.  The importance of remembering that your sex partner is a person with needs and wants is just as important as orgasms (I want to be trite here and say “if not more so” but let’s be real here – orgasms are damn important!) 
Much love!!
-Haven.