Where the heck do I begin? A yes, a zit.  We shall begin at a zit.  I made some pithy commentary on Facebook one day which said something along the lines of, “I wonder if when you truly lose your mind if it makes an internal popping sound similar to when you pop a really good blemish; you know, like ow ow ow ow o wow POP ahhhhhh.”

These days I fear I have gotten closer than I want to finding out. I thought I was losing it when I decided to get a divorce (and I am not saying I wasn’t; I just thought that was as bad as it could get).  I thought those feelings of turmoil and discord, general depression, and a sprinkling of work stress were just *it*.  And thankfully for a while I there I did get fairly numb.  Not in a healthy way, just in a must keep going kind of way.  And I survived it. 

I kind of stopped writing when the work “incident” happened; it is really hard to find funny in, “huh…I may be completely and utterly screwed here”.  There was a lot of delicious tragedy…but no real funny. 

Brief “incident” description: I signed a really crappy contract in 2010 so that I could stay on this island.  Since that time I have been given yearly “updates” in the form of a one page renewal.  There was a copied and pasted section (which referred to me incorrectly btw) which said I could not work for a competitor inside this refinery for 2 years.  Uh.  Okay.  I forgot.  Oops.  But that company wouldn’t talk to me, they informed the client…my name was trashed for a while.  It was horrid.  I was ready to leave…I had a whole bunch of rage at this company for not speaking to me about it and instead going to the client.  So ugly.  They realized (their lawyers realized) their contract was swiss cheese and they were barring me from a living.  They, in their terms, generously released me from my contract and made me sign not to sue.

Whatever.

So, I deep breathe a lot and take my new job.  Oh happy day…a new job, a new adventur….wait, what?  Huh?  This dude is my boss, and he hates me.  Mmmmkay, that’s a new feeling.  Oh, and he is setting me up for….wait, seriously?  Okay, so…I can hear you all now—why?  Why would he hate you? That isn’t professional.  That doesn’t sound right; I thought you loved your boss.  You’re right.  I call anyone I need to report to my boss.  It is probably not my most attractive quality.  For sake of clarity here are boss descriptors:

• Uberboss – this is usually my bosses’ boss.
• Boss – direct supervisor

So, back to why boss hates me; please let me count the ways:

1. I was forced down his throat by multiple uber boss’.
2. I am female
3. I am a heathen
4. I am smart
5. I can read
6. I can write
7. I can speak in public
8. I know the refinery
9. I know important people in the refinery
10. I apparently do not know my place

Ahahahahahahaha.  As you can see, it is *all* my fault.

The first one – yeah, no-one likes being told they have to hire someone.  Those people usually never work out.  I can totally sympathize.  When I first started I was happy to learn boss’ way to do things.   He just ignored me and keeps me out of the loop while meanwhile saving my emails and highlighting anything I have either done wrong OR if he perceives I am being insubordinate.  Yes.  I *was* called into a meeting where he placed these emails up as “evidence”.   I just stared in gape-jawed incredulity wondering “seriously?”

It did help that the meeting ended with him getting in trouble….but things are still not better.

2 & 3 he is religious.  The door to door kind.  And let’s face it.  I am a female working in a dude’s world with no man controlling me (eye roll) and I am a heathen.  My religious beliefs, while being no-one’s business, do not in any way align with his.  I feel he senses this and therefore dislikes my existence.

4-7.  okay, I can be petty.  But come on.  His spelling, grammar, and reports are hideous.  I am very blessed in that writing comes (mostly) naturally to me. And not to him.  I have no idea what his educational background is composed of, however wow, yeah.  No. 

8-9.  okay, maybe a wee bit petty and elitist, but dang…I have dedicated most of my working life to this place.  Have worked here day and night and gone head to head with some of the biggest players in the place.  Both for good and ill.  I have been here long enough and built up enough of a reputation that I use for the betterment of workers.  And I can understand him not enjoying that.

10  yeah.  I’ve been working without someone staring over my shoulder for a while now.  I do sometimes forget about the jerk.

Ugh.  Okay, I wrote this quickly, but that seems to be all I have time for today.

Miss my friends, family, and I really miss my life.

~hugs~
-H.