May 11, 2011

(I have been keeping some stuff “in the can” as they say.  So I am posting them titled the date they were written.  They will probably never be in order.  muah!)

Holy shit.  I’m broke.  Like stupid broke.  Like—put up a paypal button hey folks send me money broke. 

I will be okay.  Or so goes the continued mantra in my head.  Over, and over, and over and over.  In other news, my phone got shut off because I forgot to pay the correct amount of the bill.  Oopsie.I talked my way back into service even though I couldn’t actually afford to pay the entire amount.  That was a fun thing to realize at 2AM when I felt suddenly trapped and alone and unable to call out.  I almost went to work just to have the ability to call someone.  Which I realized was insane and started emailing people instead. 

So much is going on.  The divorce.  I’m throwing a party for a pregnant friend.  The lack of money.  The Divorce.  the amount of information completely random people want in regards to the divorce.  Did I mention I am getting divorced?   When people ask me for the details it fills me with an intense white hot rage of angry.   Here is a quick re-cap – “who’s fault?” besides none of yer damn business the best answer is both of us.  I asked for the divorce.  Yes it is the right decision.  No, neither of us are happy.  No, neither of us are going to be okay for a while.  Ugh…just talking about this is making me ill.  So, moving on. 

Yesterday I finally took a deep breath and answered a bill collector regarding my mortgage which in my infinite wisdom I have been ignoring.  Because if you ignore it; it goes away. 

Heee.  Nope.  it doesn’t.  like all horrifying things in life the more you ignore it the bigger and angrier it becomes. 

In other news—I want thai food.

In other other news – I’ve become obsessed with flossing my teeth.

In other news – my co-worker was becoming a great giant pain in my ass before I realized he was just freaking out.  Similar to the way I am freaking out except he is freaking out in a ‘omg I am going to be a father in like a month and then I have to take some time off and this place is going to fall apart without me or worse it will get better in which case I have just proven my uselessness omg what if my job isn’t here when I come back I am going to be a father holy crap’ kind of way.   Whereas my freak out is more in line with a ‘omg omg omg omg I feel free but poor and I love him but I don’t want to be married to him anymore how much of this debt can I survive oh gods not much but I can’t keep supporting him any longer it is too much it is never going to end and he is never happy no matter what I do and I don’t want to feel unlovable any more why is there no thai food in my world holy crap the work around this place never gets less oh well I am just one person’ kind of way. 

Well, fuck me sideways.  Just had a rousing discussion with a co-worker about the difference between women who dislike women (I can’t ever hang out with women) and men who are overly soliticitous of women.   And then party planning happened and omg I am overwhelmed with crap to do.

Eeeeeek.

And then the epa showed up.  It’s going to be a long-ass day.

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