Tag Archives: update

Dear A.D.D., please stop. kthanksbye!

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

Today is a wee bit a tough one on me. Nothing bad is happening, actually just the opposite I am in a rather stellar mood today. I was just sort of cleaning up around my office and my brain, which was going about 300,000 miles per hour, kicked out a thought that stopped me in my tracks and caused me to laugh uproariously all by myself. If I was typing this the way I was thinking at the time it would have no spaces and be in all caps–but WRITINGLIKETHISISBULLSHIT and horrid to read so I won’t do that to y’all. But keep in mind as you read this completely inane story that it would probably be funnier if you read it really loudly and obnoxiously fast.

15:17 – V made cucumber lemon orange water which was super good yesterday but today holy crap is it bitter today it tastes pithy hey remember that time in Kentucky when that guy thought you said pissy and then we all laughed and laughed and that fried squash was really good there but so was the iced tea huh there is a Herbert hair in my cucumber lemon orange water oh well I guess I will drink around it nope this stuff is hooooodoggie bitter I shall stop drinking this now I wish I had a diet coke or some of that iced tea from that place in Kentucky with the really good fried squash when we worked on that historic post office that totally had a peeping room attached to the women’s restroom but it was historic and built into the actual building which made it way more interesting than creepy I wonder why that is I’m really glad dogs don’t have pubes…………………………………………………*brain stalls*

*brain attempts reboot*

15:18 – I’m. really. glad. dogs. don’t. have. pubes. Really H!? Seriously?! I mean, I AM quite happy that dogs don’t have obviously distinct curlier areas of pubic hair because that would be extra disturbing and extremely awkward to see…although it probably wouldn’t be because it would always have looked that way GET OUT OF MY HEAD DEMON A.D.D.!!! So, yeah. It’s been that kind of day. I figured it out though…I mean, there was a hair in my water and fitty-eleven thoughts later I was extremely happy that it was a not dog pubic hair in my water….but what if it was? At least I will never know.

And with that ladies and gents….I shall get back to my regularly scheduled thought process. Kisses! -H.

June 8, 2011

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

I have a career dilemma and I have a song stuck in my head dilemma.  Obviously one is stressful (exciting?) and one is annoying ®  [what do you do with a drunken sailor…] The entire 3 people I told in the world (about the career dilemma) all encouraged me to sit down and write out the pros and cons of both career paths. [put him in the longboat til he’s sober, put him in the longboat til he’s sober, put him in the longboat til he’s sober, earl-aye in the morning…] to which I said pffft, watched some tv-went to bed and dreamt I forgot my birthday (yeah, I know I’m nuts).   This morning however I realized I might want to think some things through and maybe play a wee bit of career tag [put a live lobster in his trousers, put a live lobster in his trousers, put a live lobster in his trousers, earl-aye in the morning…]. 

So, as you may or may not know (or care) I have been working as a self employed (aka frakked) person for quite some time now.  I would bring up taxes but they literally give me hives.  I think about it…and poof—a hive.  [shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, earl-aye in the morning…] so I will just keep singing the song in my head to keep the hives away.   Anywhoodle, no kidding, there I was yesterday and I received what can only be described as a verbal job offer.  but not from the big company; from a contractor.  I say hmmmmmm.  What does someone do?  Well—here goes the pro/con listing:

Big Company/Independent Contracting vs. New Contractor

Screw it; both options are difficult and there is too much work to do to spend time thinking or worrying about what “may” be offered.

 

For your viewing pleasure please feel free to sing along to the song that WILL BE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD.

Intro:

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

What’ll we do with a drunken sailor,

Earl-aye in the morning?

Chorus:

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Weigh heigh and up she rises

Earl-aye in the morning

Ending Chorus:

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

That’s what we do with a drunken Sailor,

Earl-aye in the morning

Traditional verses:

1. Shave his belly with a rusty razor,(x3)

2. Put him in the long boat till he’s sober,(x3)

3. Put him in the scuppers with a hose-pipe on him.(x3)

4. Put him in bed with the captain’s daughter.(x3)

Song Pattern:song starts with the intro it then proceeds to the Chorus then it follows following pattern

Verse 1 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 2 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 3 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?,chorus,

Verse 4 (x3),Earl-aye in the morning?, chorus

Ending Chorus

Thats what we do with a drunken sailor

Additional verses:

5. Beat him with a cat ’til his back is bleedin’

6. Put him in the bilge and make him drink it

7. Truss him up with a runnin’ bowline.

8. Give ‘im a dose of salt and water.

9. Stick on ‘is back a mustard plaster.

10. Send him up the crow’s nest till he falls down,

11. Tie him to the taffrail when she’s yardarm under,

12. Soak ‘im in oil ’til he sprouts a flipper.

13. Put him in the guard room ’til he’s sober.

14. That’s what we’ll do with the drunken sailor.

15. Shave his balls with a rusty razor.

Variations:

1+. Keep him there and make ‘im bale ‘er.

2a. Pull out the plug and wet him all over,

3a. Shave his back with a rusty razor.

4a. Give ‘im a taste of the bosun’s rope-end.

6a. Heave ‘im by the leg with a runnin’ bowline.

Variation Of Chorus:

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Hoo-ray and up she rises,

Earl-aye in the morning

 

Gack. Snargle. Where does the time go?

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

I have no time.  And it is time I start making some. Since my bladder decided that unless I wanted a very wet bed I needed to WAKE UP RIGHT NOW–I am up.  Could have been sleeping soundly for a good 45 minutes more….but no….. I’m not bitter, why do you ask?
There are so many reasons I haven’t been updating as much as I used to, but none of them are good. Writing is calming for me; if there is one thing I could use, it’s some calm. 
If you are not on my face(palm)book you may not be aware of the shift in animals around my house.  Please allow me to update you (listed by age):
Teak (aka Doodle) – the most aged grumpy bastard in the world.  Same Doodle as always, wants toast, hates the world and wants it to ‘get off his lawn’. 
Life (aka Princapessa, aka Girla, aka Itchy-head) – same big girl as ever. 
Freckles (aka Frex; aka I didn’t name him; aka Oh, Freckles) – it is almost impossible to say his name without an “oh” in front of it.  Because he is klutzy, looooves to eat electronics, and is just a goofey-butt.  Doodle hates him with an extra measure of “get off my lawn”ishness. 
Pratchett – he is a cat and the only one to survive the scourge of George (foster dog who was kind of vicious. I tried; and failed).  What I learned after George was put down is that Pratchett was kind of a survivor and it is possible for cats to have PTSD. 
Phyllis – she is also a cat, and probably the only one I have ever really bonded with.  When I got her she was all creepy looking and had no fur on her bottom half.  From the top-tiny cute kitten; from the bottom creepy naked KILL IT WITH FIRE! something that looked more like a plucked chicken than kitten.  Thankfully her hair has grown back. A wee bit oddly, but back nonetheless. 

So, there be the animals.  They make up a majority of my life.  Recently I have begun feeding them all raw meat as opposed to kibble crap.  They are all apparently thriving and it has not been nearly as gross as it could be.  Although fish-head day left a LOT to be desired. 

This weekend I treated myself to 2 beach days.  This is some insanity; I left my house not once, but twice.  And I enjoyed it greatly.  Collected a bunch of sea glass, napped, chatted with friends.  Unfortunately at the end of Sunday’s relaxing day I accidentally crunched a hermit crab’s house.  I ran around searching for shells for him to choose from (much to everyone’s confusion and “its just a hermit crab” statements).  I just hope he is okay.  All I could think is ‘hurricane heather’ just crushed his house; least I could do is find him a new one. 

So, that’s all I have for now; time to get up and make the donuts (OMG I want a donut!!)