Dear A.D.D., please stop. kthanksbye!

Today is a wee bit a tough one on me. Nothing bad is happening, actually just the opposite I am in a rather stellar mood today. I was just sort of cleaning up around my office and my brain, which was going about 300,000 miles per hour, kicked out a thought that stopped me in my tracks and caused me to laugh uproariously all by myself. If I was typing this the way I was thinking at the time it would have no spaces and be in all caps–but WRITINGLIKETHISISBULLSHIT and horrid to read so I won’t do that to y’all. But keep in mind as you read this completely inane story that it would probably be funnier if you read it really loudly and obnoxiously fast.

15:17 – V made cucumber lemon orange water which was super good yesterday but today holy crap is it bitter today it tastes pithy hey remember that time in Kentucky when that guy thought you said pissy and then we all laughed and laughed and that fried squash was really good there but so was the iced tea huh there is a Herbert hair in my cucumber lemon orange water oh well I guess I will drink around it nope this stuff is hooooodoggie bitter I shall stop drinking this now I wish I had a diet coke or some of that iced tea from that place in Kentucky with the really good fried squash when we worked on that historic post office that totally had a peeping room attached to the women’s restroom but it was historic and built into the actual building which made it way more interesting than creepy I wonder why that is I’m really glad dogs don’t have pubes…………………………………………………*brain stalls*

*brain attempts reboot*

15:18 – I’m. really. glad. dogs. don’t. have. pubes. Really H!? Seriously?! I mean, I AM quite happy that dogs don’t have obviously distinct curlier areas of pubic hair because that would be extra disturbing and extremely awkward to see…although it probably wouldn’t be because it would always have looked that way GET OUT OF MY HEAD DEMON A.D.D.!!! So, yeah. It’s been that kind of day. I figured it out though…I mean, there was a hair in my water and fitty-eleven thoughts later I was extremely happy that it was a not dog pubic hair in my water….but what if it was? At least I will never know.

And with that ladies and gents….I shall get back to my regularly scheduled thought process. Kisses! -H.

lunchtime words

Well, it’s lunchtime again and I have absolutely nothing of importance to share. I do learn more about myself on a daily basis–some of which does not flatter me. I often joke about my awkwardness; the thing is? usually I am awkward-charming; but sometimes I’m horribly reminded that I can delve into a scary state of awkward when I am attracted to someone.  That unfortunately awkward idiot doesn’t know when to shut up and go away and keeps attempting to poke the other person into liking her; it kind of hurts me to watch myself do it.

*stands there; pokes with finger* “like me now?”
*pokes again* “how about now?”
*pokes again* “now?”
*double poke* “better now?”   
*poke* “wait?, where are you going? but I  have more POKING!”

Quick run-down: ‘performing’ for new people I am awkward-charming-funny; performances for me are when I am teaching or even visiting with people/acquaintances/family and I am fucking amazing at it. It took me over 3 decades to realize that performance-piece of awesome, well that isn’t really me. I am pretty comfortable with the me that is too loud, too snuggly, and usually wearing a huge dorky smile while craving physical affection A LOT.  This is the me  you will see I am comfortable and with true friends and loved ones. :).  It was only today that I realized there is a third culprit–a version of me that I am just beginning to understand. If I am sounding a little too schizophrenic; please know I don’t “switch” minds, the different ‘versions’ are me using different behaviors that I am trying understand. Hand to Gods; I didn’t do this on purpose. I have always been attracted to big dudes and have a special weakness for big dudes who are not that excited to be involved in my life. It’s like I can here a celestial voice state, “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED”. And I become a much less attractive version of myself; let me specify – I become much less attractive to myself. So, after this unfortunate enlightenment I feel very, “well, huh. that’s unexpected” about the whole thing. Sheds an unfortunate understanding onto the aching scar of my failed marriage….hell, even sheds a brighter light on the dude who moved to Canada without telling me.

Perhaps dudes over 6 foot 2″ are just my damn cryptonite? *shrugs*

With age comes more wisdom about my past and more frustration with myself by redoing the same dumb crap.

Live, Learn, Fuck Up, Get Older, Keep Living, etc. etc. etc.

*kisses y’all*

-H.