June 2, 2011

Have I mentioned my frustration with shipping things?  It is LARGE. 

The saddest part about my emotions these days is I have to run through a checklist of stupidity before I actually allow myself to have them; let’s do one together shall we?

Dilemma:  I feel ANGRY about something.  Hmmmm, interesting.  ~begins poking rage with mental stick~

  1.  Am I dehydrated?  When was the last beverage I drank? 
    1. Yes, I’m freaking dehydrated…I drank something maybe 12 hours ago.  ~cusses~

                                                               i.      Drink liquids – reevaluate rage in 20 minutes and begin at Step 1 again.

  1. No, and stop being stupid—I’m hydrated and still frakking ANGRY. GRRRRRR.

                                                               i.      Go to step 2

  1. Are you hungry/have you checked your blood sugar? (btw—the inner rage is NEVER happy with these questions and litany of cussing is ongoing)
    1. I hate you.  I haven’t eaten since yesterday and my blood sugar is 55 (LOW).  Fine.  I’ll eat.  GOD!!

                                                               i.      Eat food – reevaluate rage in 20 minutes and begin at Step 1 again.

  1. No bitch, I am NOT hungry and just to make you happy I tested and my blood sugar is a fine lovely 90 and I am getting ANGRIER! What!?!  You don’t trust that sometimes people are just jackasses and they deserve the HATE. 

                                                               i.      By all means you pain in the butt – Move on to step 3

  1. ~inner cringe~ I hate to ask…but have you checked the calendar? 
    1. *feels RAGE turning on self-questioning* Are you suggesting that a hormonal shift may be affecting our mood?  Are you daring to…oh, crap.  Yeah…okay, hang on. Maybe….

                                                               i.      Ask yourself if your rage is rational…would the average person be ANGRY about this? 

  1. If yes – move to step 4.
  2. If no – take a deep cleansing breath and let it go. 
  3. Alright you misogynist self-righteous pain in the butt, the “calendar event” you are referring to happened *last* week.   So nah, not that.  Aren’t we tired of trying to find other reasons we are mad?  We can just be ANGRY you know.  Sometimes it *is* the other person. 

                                                               i.      Move right on to step 4; I’m kinda agreeing with you—it probably *is* the other jackass.

  1. Last freakin’ thing—promise.  How are your meds going….you know, the “crazy anxiety depression” meds?  You still on top of those? Taking ‘em daily?
    1. FRAK YOU!!!! Of course I have been…crap.  Crap crap crappity crap.  ~kicks foot sheepishly~ uh.  Frak.  Forgot to stick them in the weekly pill thing.  Oopsie. 

                                                               i.      Mmmkay, mood swings common with accidental withdrawal of anti-anxiety meds.  It is quite possible whoever is making you rage is an ass-hat—however I would probably suggest letting this one go.  ‘Cause really…we have bigger problems.  Go fix your med-cocktail. 

  1. I have been taking them daily.  I am calm, clear, and seriously ANGRY

                                                               i.      Move on to step 5. 

  1. Kick. The. Crap. Out. Of. Whoever. Just. Made. You. Mad. Because OMG that was so hard just to being ANGRY** and/or take a nap (because that was freakin’ exhausting). 
    1. a.      **unless it is work related in which case write a strongly worded or passive-aggressive email depending on current mood.   

Sooo, that’s it.  That is the exhausting level of stupid for which I have to think through before I can be ANGRY.  It would probably be a better world if everyone had a checklist of the crap they should think about before becoming ANGRY an ass.  But, I admire the freedom to just be pissy that some people seem to enjoy. 

I hope everyone has a liquid and food filled non-hormonal fully medicated day,


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