>Welcome Back Slackah!

>Sorry everyone, I have ever so much to say but I took a much needed vacation from my own life. It was great. But, as ever, by putting off feelings, projects, and stressors when it’s time to face them again it is a touch overwhelming. Color me overwhelmed.

Let’s see, where to begin…the wednesday before vacation. I was innocently (sure, we can call it that) busting my butt trying to get work done and organized before my vacation. My boss says, hey, you should go to this meeting. mmm’kay. Meetings are spiffy. Sometimes I’m lonely and like to sit in a room where none of us are as dumb as all of us. There was a dude a chatterin’ up front and he started going on (and on and on) about his hatred of (imagine darth vader marching music) consultants. After a good long rant where I felt like I should shrink into my own skin he said–oh, I hope there are no consultants in here…I raised my hand and awkward laughter ensued. Following that the “acknowledgements” occurred. They went out of their way to thank people for all their work on the turnaround specifically my coworker and boss. *blink* I sighed, and if I am going to be honest I felt kinda woobly inside–now at this point my boss totally knee’d me under the table. This knee thump meant 2 very specific things to me 1. Don’t freak out and 2. I know how hard you worked and it is very appreciated. The knee thump meant more than any printed certificate ever could. However, that didn’t mean I didn’t start making a list of “people who my ass needs to contact ASAP to find a new job (and then for some reason my brain switched to a ghetto accent) ’cause theze biatches’ don’t ‘preciate me an if they wanna hate on me-suck it-i’m out.” My boss then like made a big deal about well, we couldn’t have done it without Heather…blah blah blah. Good Boss! and no, you can’t say that without sounding condescending. I totally tried.
So, then thursday (my last day before vacation-wooo!) I worked until like 6pm zipping around then I got home officially on vacation and babysat for the neighbors. Yup, I am not so good at kids. Whenever she got annoying I told her that her parents said I was a babysitter and I think that means I am supposed to sit on you until you behave. That seemed to work.
Then Friday, blessed Friday….Started drinking as soon as I picked up my friends, bought a mattress…then there was a week of debauched funnery. Came up for air at one point when I realized I had not been paid (wtf?) and it turns out there was an error in banking. I tell you about this blip that caused me to be paid 4 days late for a reason.
Fast forward to the last days of March. Yet again not paid. hrmmm, they said they forgot to pay me my per diem (the thing that pays my rent) ruh-roh. They said no worries it would be paid by thursday. mmmkay.
Back to work on Wednesday–as I’m blearily putting on my boots in the parking lot (had not been up that early in a VERY long time) this little dude says, Hey–you have been picked again for the Random Urine Test. As my eyes rolled farther back into my head that I may have seen my own brain I thought. Of course I did. This magical random system has randomly picked me every week (- the one week I was on vacation) for the last month. Sure. Random. Whatever.
I could entertain you all with the fact that during the repeated testing and due to the fact I have no modesty whatsoever I continued to maintain conversations as I attempted to pee in a tiny cup (btw–I will never be able to write my name in the snow–no accuracy whatsoever) I feel it more important to let you some things *not* to do. Do not bring up interesting studies about how undiagnosed diabetics can actually create ethanol which would cause them to blow positive on a breathalyser. No matter how interesting I think that is, the drug nurse people then ask terse questions like–so does that mean you are letting me know you are going to fail? uh, no. I just thought it was an interesting study that given it’s pertinence to your career of playing with my urine and breath I thought you would be interested in. Turns out that went over as well as that time I got a speeding ticket and asked the cop when the last time they calibrated their radar because it seemed horribly inaccurate. Three breathalysers later the nurse finally agreed that zero was my result. I’m learning not everyone is interested in everything I am interested in.
Thursday comes along and I didn’t get my per diem. Red Rage Descends. So with the entire lack of power that I have I whined to the one person I know in the company I work for.
Which got me basically no-where (shocking) and then I found out that (insert law and order Dun-Dun) where I work really DOES hate consultants and I should start looking for a new job.
White Hot Panic Descends….so then I spent the rest of the day working, panicking, working, panicking, getting pissed, getting sad, and then working some more.
And now here I am, Saturday night with a decided attitude of meh. I have to go into work tomorrow for a short time to check some stuff…but not for long.
Again, meh.
So Thursday was my panic day, Friday was my stay in bed all day F my life day (until I realized I was nearly outa diet coke and was like holy crap–gotta leave the house), and now Saturday is I need to update my blog real bad.
and now it is done.
Hope everyone feels updated on my life thus far. No, I don’t really know what is happening but this life has been pretty interesting so far! 🙂

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