Monthly Archives: May 2010

yum

Posted in Naughty by

~giant grin~
Hell yeah. I can’t wait.

I get nervous and will talk a lot. I do that. I’ll be sitting there looking at you with wide eyes and will make awkward chit chat about anything and everything. Until you stop me.
Until you lean in, give me a gentle kiss before forcing me down…holding me pinned while you peruse your new toy. Pinching, pushing, tasting, revealing. Cutting everything off me. A little bite here, a nick there.
I quiver–so excited…dripping wet.
I don’t know what to do with my hands….you do though…grab my wrists, whispering sweet things to me while your body demands, tie my wrists together….
Push me down Hard.

>My new table…

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

>

So, with the help of my neighbor we put together a table. This allows me to eat somewhere Other than my couch. And since my couch is getting an ass-groove to rival Homer Simpsons' it is definitely time.

So, while my neighbor and I were putting together the table that Green Giant commercial came on asking "how long does it take for vegetables to lose nutrients after they're picked?". My neighbor replied, "Long before they make it to St. Croix".
He is not wrong.
😀
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

>I finally did something embarrassing…

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

>and I know how much fun it is to read about embarrassing stuff I’ve been up to. So here I was innocently enjoying my Sunday as I watched a marathon of Law & Order when a buzzing sound caused me to look at my counter. There it was. A waspy-stripey-bee-looking-not-a-bee. Now, I am pretty sure that is not it’s scientific name however as a descriptor it works.

I am not scared of bee’s. I like bees…but remember, this is a ‘not-a-bee’. I decided for my sense of comfort to remove the not a bee from my apartment as it appeared to be making sweet sweet love to my beverage straw. I tried to be subtle–I grasped my straw below the not-a-bee and started working my way towards the door.
This is where it all. went. wrong.
Right in front of the door the not-a-bee decided it was done raping my straw and moved on to my stripey pajama pants….apparently the pants’ stripes called to the not-a-bee’s stripes and he fell in LOVE. I stood stock still, waiting for him to fall out of love with the pants. Finally, what felt like an hour but in reality was about 30 seconds he flew off my pants and began darting at my face….and here is where I screeched like a banshee and ran for my stairs. I. ran. from. a. bug.
and screeched. I am not proud. My big dog, sensing danger of her master running and screaming rolled over and snored. My smaller dog, sensing the danger of his master running and screaming ran the other way.
Once I hit the stairs I looked back for the not-a-bee, there he was, snickering at me from the oatmeal container. I grabbed a shot glass and pinned him to the oatmeal container. Ha ha ha–opposable thumbs win again BIATCH! Then, I took him outside and released said not-a-bee to glorious freedom which he used to fly RIGHT AT MY FACE!! to which I screamed, threw the shot glass at not-a-bee, and ran inside slamming my door.
I’m not proud.
Next time I’m gonna squish it.