it happened

It happened for the first time in so long: I was homesick.
A stomach clenching pain filled breath-taking moment of am I doing the right thing I’m so alone I want to be on my couch in illinois safe and home and not alone not alone not alone omg so alone.
It sucked.
I feel like I have failed the game of life. You know the one, the find the husband, house, kids, happily ever after stupidity they fed us as children.
But, my moment of doubt and deep loneliness has passed; I will be okay.
Am I making the right choice? Yes. Because as I continue failing at the game of life–I don’t want to drag anyone else down with me.
I need the freedom to not be the responsible rule follower I have been since I was younger. I need to make choices, relax, and learn who I am.
It is scary; incredibly scary.
I can do this.
I have to.

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