>Promise…

>I promise, as soon any of the overly dramatic annoying horrifying stuff happening right now becomes funny I will write it up.
But let's just say due to a contractual misunderstanding I am not getting another day off for a good 7 months.
Ahhahahaha….nope. Still not funny.
Also, covered in hives again without having ingested mango….ahahahaha…..nope-itchy.
Alright. have a decent one.
-H.

>Why cats are evil….

>So. I'm a dog person. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love them. I always have. When I was 7 I brought home a full sized doberman I stole from a new neighbor (the new neighbor was underwhelmed and my mother was traumatized). More recently I've turned slavering 150lb dogs into lapdogs as well as bent laws to keep my dogs with me.

However, cats and I have never really seen eye to eye. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against cats but they've never been fond of me. Probably given my tendency to chase them around going "kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty".

So when the whole, "I live in the rainforest and holy shit there is a rat in my house a rat. a. RAT. Oh. My. GAWD and mice. Mice. oh my GAWD." problem occurred a cat seemed to be the best answer.

And it was.

Please note: Greebo (the kitty) is doing his job. Living things do not last long round these parts. Many a baby lizard have I caught and tossed outside with a whispered, "run fool! Run!!!" I'm fairly certain my dogs are still alive by sheer mass. Something the size of a pug would be killed and strung up as a warning to other dogs by this cat. (Sorry, he kinda IS that creepy)

As well as my dogs are trained is as well as this cat has me trained.

Tonight we had the following discussion:

"HUMAN!! Open my packet of wet food!"

*me enjoying a movie* "shut up Greebo"

"HUMAN!! Do it now or there will be consequences!"

*goes to take shower, hears CRASH from kitchen, goes into kitchen*

~Greebo looking smug~

*I pick up keys, safety glasses, wallet, and pen from floor*

"Human, last chance!" he meows.

Then, the little bastard twines around my open bottle of diet coke spills it, stands over it, and watches gleefully and it pours all over the counter and onto the floor.

*sighing with resignation I open a packet of food, clean the mess off the counter and floor, take a shower, and go to bed*

Game, set, and match goes to the cat. again.

~sigh~

storm

Oh dear.
I am a maelstom of emotions right now.
I hate my job I love my job.
I am prolly going to get smushed by a palm tree in the apparently horrific hurricane season we are going to have. I want but can’t afford a satellite phone.
I sincerely fear I’m dumber than the people I work with.
Is sex just sex? Yes. Yes it is. Or yes it can be. So if that’s true than sex with someone you don’t really like or someone you really couldn’t fall in love with is for the best. But does that remove something from it? I don’t know.
Okay. Maelstrom over.

>F#«k My Life.

>Soooo, guess what?
It was me. Me. I was the jackass in the meeting.
I swear–went to bed at 10pm last night. Nothing exciting. Woke up before my alarm this morning and felt well rested and awesome. But by the time I got to the work meeting I was draggin ass.
The room was super warm and it took all my concentration to stay awake. I would swear in a court of law I stayed awake, alas, according to 3 co-workers and my boss I looked like hell. And looked like I was sleeping.
Well. Shit.
The only thing I did differently was take 1/2 a sleeping pill last night.
Right. Not doing that again.
~sigh~
You get to look and feel hungover with none of the pleasant affects.
~FUSS~
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

>My new table…

>

So, with the help of my neighbor we put together a table. This allows me to eat somewhere Other than my couch. And since my couch is getting an ass-groove to rival Homer Simpsons' it is definitely time.

So, while my neighbor and I were putting together the table that Green Giant commercial came on asking "how long does it take for vegetables to lose nutrients after they're picked?". My neighbor replied, "Long before they make it to St. Croix".
He is not wrong.
😀
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>I finally did something embarrassing…

>and I know how much fun it is to read about embarrassing stuff I’ve been up to. So here I was innocently enjoying my Sunday as I watched a marathon of Law & Order when a buzzing sound caused me to look at my counter. There it was. A waspy-stripey-bee-looking-not-a-bee. Now, I am pretty sure that is not it’s scientific name however as a descriptor it works.

I am not scared of bee’s. I like bees…but remember, this is a ‘not-a-bee’. I decided for my sense of comfort to remove the not a bee from my apartment as it appeared to be making sweet sweet love to my beverage straw. I tried to be subtle–I grasped my straw below the not-a-bee and started working my way towards the door.
This is where it all. went. wrong.
Right in front of the door the not-a-bee decided it was done raping my straw and moved on to my stripey pajama pants….apparently the pants’ stripes called to the not-a-bee’s stripes and he fell in LOVE. I stood stock still, waiting for him to fall out of love with the pants. Finally, what felt like an hour but in reality was about 30 seconds he flew off my pants and began darting at my face….and here is where I screeched like a banshee and ran for my stairs. I. ran. from. a. bug.
and screeched. I am not proud. My big dog, sensing danger of her master running and screaming rolled over and snored. My smaller dog, sensing the danger of his master running and screaming ran the other way.
Once I hit the stairs I looked back for the not-a-bee, there he was, snickering at me from the oatmeal container. I grabbed a shot glass and pinned him to the oatmeal container. Ha ha ha–opposable thumbs win again BIATCH! Then, I took him outside and released said not-a-bee to glorious freedom which he used to fly RIGHT AT MY FACE!! to which I screamed, threw the shot glass at not-a-bee, and ran inside slamming my door.
I’m not proud.
Next time I’m gonna squish it.

>Goodnight ya’ll

>

I had a great weekend. Hosted a party with my neighbors–they brought the army hazmat folks; I brought the industrial hygiene folks.
It was great to chat to different people who all had stuff in common.
Sunday was spent doing cleanup, chillin', reassuring my dogs we weren't keeping that rottweiler puppy the other folks brought (no matter HOW FRICKEN' CUTE she was and she was snuggly and had that cuddly puppy belly…but I digress 😉 ) and put stuff away.
All in all a successful fun time. Wish I could have brought everyone.
Oooh–irrelevant sidenote: any CIH out there looking for a challenging job in the VI. Contact me for details. A new position just opened up.
Muah!
-H.

>So…

>I know I owe you all the rest of my story. So I've been trying to find some time….and if I had brought my netbook to THE BAR where I'm waiting for my ACCOUNTANT I would have been able to update you.
Sadly, I am only here with a beer and some depressing tax info.
Thankfully there is beer.
I'm over here on the east side of the island. VERY different vibe over here. So, here's the haps:
Still no job security.
Still no money.
Still no husband here.
and I owe way more in taxes than I have.
~shrugs~ but there is beer. Oh tasty beer.
All will be well; I am not concerned (anymore–had a fun few days of panic). So soon this accountant meeting shall occur. I shall hand him checks. Then home and bed. 🙂
Hugs to ya'll. Happy tax day!!!