>Oh Woe Is Me…


People…I am basically a puddle of eeyore today. Seriously, my first full week back and it has basically sucked my will to live right out of my body. So, while the only thing more pathetic than being a blogger is being a whiney emo blogger, I am still going to explain my week in intricite detail which I am sure will be quite funny to anyone NOT me.

My friend Erin came to visit and with her she brought millions and millions of wee virusy beasties that given our excessive sharing of beverages, food, space, pillows, etc. soon launched themselves into a happy new environment I like to call my body. mmmmm, delicious coughing, sneezing, snuffling. It REALLY didn’t help myself that I spent the week drinking like I was on vacation on a tropical island. So, week 1 of the cold goes by….not too bad. Week 2, start to get better…Week 3–getting worse. dammit. feel like crap, know it is a sinus infection. Know that my chicago doctor will not give me anything over the phone because, well, they don’t often do that. This led me to do 2 of the 3 things I have been afraid to do because I was certain it would seal my fate and get me voted off this island once and for all. The three things are as follows:

  • get a primary doctor
  • get an on-island dentist
  • buy new fire retardant coveralls

Why these three things in my mind assured me of getting booted off this rock I do not know. I’m superstitious by nature. *shrugs*. So, on monday when my pounding head and fever FINALLY got me down I called and made an appointment with an “internist”. Then fearing the spiral was already in effect on Tuesday I went to the safety store and bought 3 new pairs of fire retardant coveralls. Because really, why not go out in style? and No. I did not get a dentist. Because board certified dentists who give me nitrous to clean my teeth in the states scare me, let alone some dude with a coconut and a chisel (no, this is not accurate, yes, this is anti-island, I don’t feel good and am whiney, WAH!) My appointment was for Wednesday.

So fast forwarding through the mental breakdown that was Tuesday (didn’t get paid, freaked out, wrote an incredibly long email to HR which literally included the fact that I was getting made fun of in my worn out coveralls (fashion matters EVERYWHERE people) but because I hadn’t been paid I could not afford new ones), they wired me the money, I went and bought coveralls, tuesday over, went home and went to bed before the sun went down. Have I mentioned that I am a touch dramatic when I am sick? Cause I am. And I am well aware it is not pretty.

Wednesday morning I woke up bright and early (cause you know, went to sleep at like 7PM) and grabbed a new shiny pair of coveralls, donned them and looked like a 4 year old in her mother’s pajamas because I hadn’t washed (aka shrunk) them yet. Whatever, new coveralls…off to work.

And here is where I have to stop for a minute, lay my head down, and remember….because this is so embarassingly awkward. Folks, I don’t know if you have noticed…but I’m a talker. And sometimes I’m….mmmm, how do you say, an inappropriately sarcastic talker. So, put me in a meeting (and feverish) and you get….well, “awkward Heather”. I wanted to write about the horror of this meeting moment earlier this week, I just wasn’t ready to face it yet.

Okay, I’m ready. So, there is this thing going on, they were talking about handshakes with a lot of people. I asked the occupational nurse with a sarcastic little head tilt….”so, flu season’s over right? maybe we should just switch to fist bumping”. ahaha haha ha. I’m soooo witty. *blink* This turned into a 20 minute argument regarding hand sanitzation, breaks to wash hands, would it be offensive to hand sanitize after each handshake…(expletive!). I couldn’t even look at my boss. It was horrific. It was all my fault. It was silly. GACK! Sarcastic co-worker looked at me and mouthed, “WHAT DID YOU DO?!?”. It was horrible. Like a train wreck. Started a new mantra that morning. Must. Shut. Up. it’s simple, to the point, and so very very true.


I had to leave work to make it to my doctors appointment. Holy crap. I will finish this post later. It gets worse. so very very much worse.

**okay, it’s 2 days later, in a much better mood, but still struggling with how to write up this doctor visit**

You should all know that there are two sides to me…there is the hippie spiritual earthy Heather. This is the Heather that used to want to work as an outdoorsie researcher, live in a tent, bathe in cattle ponds. Hippie Heather (HH for short) is very spiritual and big into long flowy skirts and recycling.

Then there is the wry, sarcastic, kinda bitchy, practical, and anxious side of me. This side of me is completely at odds with the other one.
So imagine the non-hippie Heather meeting up with a doctor for the first time who is studying (or so it turns out) to be a Shaman. I had a serious devil/angel on my shoulder. The devil version of me said, “don’t encourage the hippie crackpot–HOLY hell! she wants to take away our anti anxiety medication-aaaaaaaaahhhhh” The angel side said, “explain to her that you know all about Chakras and that it is more the hearth/home yellow Chakra that….” next thing I know the shoulder angel/devils are in a knock down drag out of doom.
And there I was, just trying to get something to knock out the sinus infection…
sadly (yes, sadly) the story continues….
but for now, have an awesome night.

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