So, coincidentally this weekend I had both the best and worst weekend. The best because I got my dryer.  Its just a regular dryer, converted to propane….the beauty of it is that I can now dry my clothes.  Yes, they dried when they hung up, but still….they are so dry and soft….~happy sigh~

The bad part was….well, it was a panic attack.  I started feeling anxious around 6pm.  No good reason, just nervous about nothing.  Thankfully I took an ativan at that moment because about 20 minutes later….clutching heart, couldn’t breathe….fuck. 

So….what triggered it? Well, demon finally got himself a real live girl. 🙂 I’m a firm believer everyone needs physical contact lest they go batshit insane.  I encouaged him to find someone.  I supported it completely.  So, why did my brain shortcircuit and tell my body it was dying while repeating the following: “u deserve no happiness, u are a bad person, u deserve nothing”? No fucking clue. 
I’m stressed out.  Feel lonely.  Rarely get any attention…..
Trying to figure out if I should try turing over a new leaf, I certainly felt all smug and good about turning a guy down last week.  So why the crash? No clue. 
Miss you all.
-haven