So, coincidentally this weekend I had both the best and worst weekend. The best because I got my dryer. Its just a regular dryer, converted to propane….the beauty of it is that I can now dry my clothes. Yes, they dried when they hung up, but still….they are so dry and soft….~happy sigh~
The bad part was….well, it was a panic attack. I started feeling anxious around 6pm. No good reason, just nervous about nothing. Thankfully I took an ativan at that moment because about 20 minutes later….clutching heart, couldn’t breathe….fuck.
So….what triggered it? Well, demon finally got himself a real live girl. 🙂 I’m a firm believer everyone needs physical contact lest they go batshit insane. I encouaged him to find someone. I supported it completely. So, why did my brain shortcircuit and tell my body it was dying while repeating the following: “u deserve no happiness, u are a bad person, u deserve nothing”? No fucking clue.
I’m stressed out. Feel lonely. Rarely get any attention…..
Trying to figure out if I should try turing over a new leaf, I certainly felt all smug and good about turning a guy down last week. So why the crash? No clue.
Miss you all.