Important Damn Tip for Life

It is never a good idea to eat half a bag of cheetos and a (large) bowl of antioxidant fruit mix for dinner.  For realz.  Your (well, my) body doesn’t know what to do with that much unnatural combined with that much, well, natural.  There is an epic war happening right now within my own belly for supremecy…and (for no rational reason I can explain) I blame the damn vegans.  Yes, it happened to me today–I was vegan-slapped:  there I was, arriving for a lovely beach day and just after sitting down I noticed two folks across the seating area who were looking for tourist info.  Sure, I thought they looked a little desiccated but hell, throw white people on the beach for too long and trust me, they look desiccated.  Shade exists for a reason people; use. it.

Anyway, these non-drinking, vegan, desiccated tourists were very nice people.  Until my lunch was delivered.  Their eyes turned glassy with want and I think I saw them drool at my very non-vegan skirt steak quesadilla.  That’s when the very nice (and aggressively “helpful”) desiccated lady told me about how she thought it was dairy and not meat that did the most damage.  Yup, okay.  They wanted to know where to eat and I couldn’t help them.  Don’t get me wrong, there are healthy things that I do and there are many (m.a.n.y.) unhealthy things I do as well.  But don’t expect to find all of your answers in one giant lifestyle change which makes  you appear all dried out and unhealthy looking.  Moderation in all things, including moderation. dammit.

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