I fell asleep for about an hour and woke up from a very strange sex dream that was not in any way sexy. I also woke up hungry. So a quesadilla and a suburgatory episode later….here I am. Writing nonsense. I’m pleasantly sore from swimming every day this past week–not long and not far, but hell at least I did *something*. I worry sometimes about backsliding into not moving around anymore; here’s hoping that doesn’t happen-exercise is sanity.
It is so beautiful here on this island it is suprising how little I take advantage of things like the beach–I am working on doing those things more.
Over the last year I went through a lot of bad crap; I really did. Although everything that happened affected me, what I can’t stop thinking about was how deeply I was affected by the closure of the refinery. What I am finally realizing after I have been out of that place almost 11 months to the day was how I quite literally gave myself completely to that complicated mess that was an oil refinery. Was that healthy? nope. Was I alone? not even a little. People working at other oil refineries thousands of miles away live and breathe to hear rumors of what is happening with that place. I sat next to a man who received 4 phone calls asking about various rumors. There is a facebook group dedicated to keeping in touch with others who were in that place.
What was it that made it so all encompassing? not quite sure…still trying to figure that out.
If it reopens; would I want to go back ‘inside’? Again, not quite sure…still trying to figure that out.
On one hand I really learned more in that place than I ever had before–and I am still using that knowledge every single day. On the other hand I was only considered part of the team when they found it convenient; and I was cold-shouldered when it was inconvenient. That part sucked.

This is not a pressing question; just rambling and letting my thoughts take me where they will. I do know that I am blessed as hell to have been able to stay as well as get a job doing something I am pretty darn good at while working with some great people.
‘aight, I am going to try the sleeping thing again.
Love all y’all.
H.