Hello Consent!

Hello world, I am me. I am in no way perfect and I do not expect anyone else to be perfect either. Somehow though, I think yon’ kiddies have gone and fuckered up somehow. I have been engrossed (and grossed out) by the Steubenville, Ohio raping. In my vast internet searching of opinions and details I am just disgusted.

I enjoy sex. Hell, sex is one of my absolutely favorite things in the entire world. In the words of my favorite gynecologist, “if people don’t like fucking, they are doing it wrong” (I told you she was awesome). Throughout my college years I greatly enjoyed ‘mini-relationships’ or ‘hook-ups’; I have never enjoyed emotionless sex.  It turns out that over the years I just didn’t understand how to have a relationship and considering the multiple marriages of both of my parents this doesn’t shock me. Sex to me is something wonderful, not just because I can get off–but because it is such a connection with that other person. You can focus completely on that other person and sensations and fully immerse yourself in the joy of that time with the other person. It is, for me, quite spiritual. (okay–not every time; sometimes I do just want to get off–but most of the time; spiritual)

However, over the years I have sensed a distressing trend of young teenagers to immerse themselves into the ‘hook-up’ culture–but coldly.  I don’t know what it is about emotionless sex that causes me chills–but there is something about reducing what to me is an act of friendship and love to something equivalent to a fist bump (shit….I *am* 12. I want to make a bumping uglies joke and that is totally NOT appropriate. đŸ™‚ ) that disturbs me deeply.

Recently, a new(ish) friend of mine asked me if my cervical cancer was caused by having too much ‘dirty sex’ and that question, well, sucked. Now, S–if you are reading this; do not get upset or think I am mad at you in any way. I am not. This is just an example of how a society based on repressed puritanical values will infiltrate and poison young open minds to think that sex is ‘dirty’ and shouldn’t be enjoyed. This is one reason I refuse to speak quietly about the fact I have cervical cancer. It sucks. It isn’t fair. And it is no-one’s damned fault.

In today’s news I was forced to read about society’s moderate outrage that Bill Gates wants to spend some (of his own damn) money to make a condom better. People are saying, well, if  you can orgasm in a condom it ‘can’t be that bad’. Sure–but it could be better. That is like saying, hey–the Ford Model T worked *just fine*; why would we want to make any other cars?

Sex-shaming has to stop. It. Has. To. Stop. We are animals that are blessed as hell to 1. not have any sort of penis spines such as those found in male cats and 2. the ability to THINK and decide what we want to do. We are sill just animals and as such our bodies *want* us to make with the procreation. But hot-damn! We were smart enough to think of ways around getting knocked up every time we have sex. Go Humans! Go Science! Does that mean everyone *should* have sex all of the time? I don’t care; it is a personal damn choice. If you want to remain virginal until marriage–good for you; that is an impressive sacrifice and I admire your fortitude. Does virginity decrease your value as a person? nope. Does enjoying sex decrease your value as a person? nope. Personal value IS mutually exclusive of sexuality.

Most women I know will say something like, “I believe in women’s rights; but I am not a feminist”. It has taken me years to understand that statement (which I used to say myself, btw) is utter bullshit. As a woman who worked with men on construction-type sites for years I was guilty of similar bullshit. I am not proud to say it took years before it dawned on my thick-head that I was an asshole and it. needed. to. stop. Nowadays when I am on a job site and something about me being a woman comes up I use clinical words such as vagina, labia, or ovaries to make men cringe; hell if I’m uncomfortable ‘all y’all gonna be uncomfortable. These things do not come up nearly as often as they used to; not because I am not a woman or do stupid shit like degrade men using supposed insults such as ‘girl’ or ‘youre being a woman’ or ‘pussy’–but because I am experienced and competent and them asshats need my help and nothing in this world is more impressive than a person who knows what the hell they are doing. In a moderately related note–hollywood is just as fucking guilty. The trailer came out for Kickass 2 and oooh-boy I was squeeing in my chair and I clicked and watched and for the most part, enjoyed. The parts that jumped out like a mental speed bump for me was when Hit-Girl was training with Kickass and she hit him as he complained she said something like, ‘Act like a bitch, get hit like a bitch’ and ‘take your tampon out’. See? She was written as saying the same kind of shit I was guilty of saying. I understand it is supposed to be funny–but if you take half of a second and think about the underlying BULLSHIT of the statements it just fucking sucks. Am I boycotting the movie? HELL NO! I can’t wait to see it. Will I continue to make sure anyone who see’s that preview understands how shitty statements like that are? HELL YES. Over and fucking over–until that women are weak bullshit STOPS.

Oh yeah, and the Steubenville rapists? they are not a group of boys (and if you think there were only 2 of them; you are sadly mistaken) who ‘accidentally raped someone’ and now their lives are ruined; they are fucking RAPISTS who did their damned best to humiliate and degrade someone who was not able to give their consent and video taped this disgusting event not for their ‘personal pleasure’ but to make certain the victim’s degradation was known far and wide.  Can doing something that horrific happen ‘accidentally’? Fuck no it can’t. The scariest thing I read regarding the rape was written by a teacher and is located here (http://accidentaldevotional.com/2013/03/19/the-day-i-taught-how-not-to-rape/). That brave teacher (and I mean BRAVE!) took on a scary topic with her students not with the approach of ‘and now we are talking about rape’ but dealt with the subject as it came up naturally and handled it beautifully. What is scary? That these (and I am certain many other younglings) do not understand what rape means. Please read her description; it was amazing.

In general as I live my life as an ethical slut I avoid slogans; let’s be honest–after too many repeats it just loses meaning to too many. The other day I saw a t-shirt that read, “Consent is Sexy”. As slogans go; I give it a ‘meh’ rating. I like the meaning–but the slogan blows. However, when I think of that moment when two people are intertangled and one whispers to the other, ‘please fuck me’ and the other says, ‘yes, please….’ and hell yeah, consent is sexy. Let’s take it one step further–enthusiastic consent is REALLY sexy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I beg of you: do not play idiotic games, do not follow anyone’s ‘rules’ but the ones you are comfortable with, and if and when you decide you want to have sex with someone-give consent enthusiastically!

 

 

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