No, I don’t want to be a jerk. I don’t wake up in the morning and rub my hands together and say, “bwah hah hah, how can I destroy other people this fine day!” Instead, I usually wake up and say, “mmmmm. I want a bean and cheese burrito covered in extra cheese, taco sauce, and sour cream and a diet coke” and ladies and gents, that is about as deep as I go most days. So, please know that when I forget to text message you back or even forget to turn on facebook messenger and shoot you back a quickie I am not ignoring you. I’m not attempting to *do* anything. In fact, I am probably thinking about where my next burrito is coming from and sadly, THAT IS NOT A EUPHAMISM!
The funniest part of this? There is going to be no less than 5-7 people in my life who are going to read this post and think I am writing this directly to them and only them. Sadly, I am not. This is to all y’all. Except E. E and I have that type of friendship that allows us to completely ignore each other for days, weeks, months, and then get back into talking (and by talking I mean texting because both of us are pathological regarding our mutual hatred of talking on the phone) on an hourly basis for a while and then drifting back into getting distracted by shiny objects.
I have another friend (that’s right people, I have more than one friend–I’m fancy!) who once told me that her theory on brains is that there is a tiny dude living in everyones mind who works as a librarian. Some librarians know where every book is located by memory, some have to check a database, and some have everything in a messy card catalog. I embraced this theory but I’m 94% certain that the little librarian dude in my brain is stoned and has been stoned since I was a child. (Please note–I have not been stoned, the teeny little librarian dude in my brain is stoned) (this has taken an odd turn….anywhoodle). My brain librarian is SUPER ORGANIZED in some sections but in others he has put up party lights, a lava lamp, and with the strategic use of bean bag chairs turned those very important sections into a stoner paradise. Whenver I try to access those areas in my noggin librarian dude starts distracting me by lighting up other areas of my brain and causing me to get distracted and then instead of remembering to check in on facebook or look at my phone I end up turning my refrigerator into a chalkboard with the use of fancy paint or watching every single episode of some long-cancelled tv show or sharpening all of the knives in my house or coloring….what was I talking about? Oh yeah–I have distraction issues…..:)
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sorry I forget to keep into contact with y’all. I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings. I just get distracted by life (the concept, not the dog; although sometimes she is kinda distracting….dammit–dude in my brain! stop distracting me!). But maybe that makes me a jerk? I don’t know. I try not to be a jerk. If I have been a jerk to you I am sorry.