I, like many of you, have neighbors. In general, I can get along well with other humans mainly because I can talk the hell out of some small talk, “weather. weather. dogs. weather.” (see, small talk!)
I am currently living near what I am going to call unfortunate neighbors. They are unfortunate because they do not embrace the Live & Let Live attitude of our neighborhood. I’m certain that they would fit into a more regimented neighborhood very well and that they would ensure that everyone (every. one.) followed all of the rules.
Anywhoodle, earlier today I noticed that my back (normal, pleasant, sane(enough)) neighbors were burning leaves (safely, away from any extra fuel, with continuous monitoring) and thought to myself, “mmmm, I love the smell of burnin leaves.”
An hour later I noticed (okay, to be fair Herbert started growling so I looked) the shirtless unfortunate male neighbor exiting the bush next to my fence (weird…) and then walking to the front center of my fence and yelling, “Heather!!!!” repeatedly until I passive-aggressively and with deliberate slowness, meandered my way over to him.  He then started with yelling and gesticulation and pointed over to my back neighbors and I finally made out the words, “burning trash”. I said, “but they aren’t burning trash; they are burning leaves….?” with a frustrated, “WHATEVER!” which I interpreted as, “should have known that hippy bitch wouldn’t take our side” he departed and I headed back to the house.  Which is when I heard the shrill screech of the unfortunate female neighbor’s voice coming from the back neighbors….are you freakin kidding me? So, by the time I reached the back fence the unfortunate neighbor had gotten back in her mini-van and departed back to her unfortunate neighbor compound. I waved for my back neighbor to make sure she understood I have no connection nor affiliation with the unfortunate neighbors and that I didn’t mind the burning and if and when I did, I would be sure to yell at the back fence and not call the police & fire department.
So, looks like it is time to put in a fire pit. *evil grin*

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