So I am stealing a little time from my training to write this, because let’s face it, it’s been a while.  Here’s what is going on.
1.  As I have stated before I am moving to the island of St. Croix, it is pretty gosh darn exciting, and I am really happy about it, etc.  HOWEVER, it is still stressful as hell.  No, I do not know what I am doing with my house, No, I do not know when and if my spouse will come down there, No, I don’t (yet) know how I am going to get my large dog onto the island, No, there is no quarantine and yes, I may have to charter a special plane, no I am not kidding.  So, needless to say, with all of the St. Croix (STX) crap I have been a touch stressed.  Just a touch.  Only 1 panic attack so far though. 
 2.  LOL.  I over-use it, and I find myself irritating.  I have been IMing people, facebooking people, and I am always laughing, I look like a lunatic.  LOL LOL, whatever, we need a new statement, something that means, I am somewhat amusing myself while writing this.  
3.  I am in a laboratory right now (insert evil lab laugh here).  I am learning to identify asbestos in building materials.  It is not so easy, it is subjective and a great whopping pain in my butt. But in all honesty some of the trippy-est pretty-est things I have ever seen.  Picture serious lava lamp but multi-colors.  Minerology is beautiful, if a pain in the ass.
4.  On Halloween I rocked my satin bodice, yes, I went into public like that.  You should have seen the faces my boobs got.  I had more women caressing my breasts than I have ever had.  Needless to say, the boobs were a hit in downtown Chicago.  I was dancing my ass off to a band called 16 candles.  Guess what they play?  you got it, 80′s music.  I had a big fun time. 
5.  Yesterday I wore E’s socks.  Made me think of her.  I love her, and she would have had fun with my breasts on Halloween. 
6.  Never before in my life have I been so less sexy.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually looking pretty good.  I re-dyed the purple into my hair (the bleachy parts were looking way to white), face is good, etc.  but I just haven’t been “into” it.  And, for the first time that I can accurately remember, I turned the husband down. Yes, you heard me.  It was part irritation that after months of not touching me he could snap his fingers and expect me to respond, and part, eh, who needs it.  But I was oddly satisfied to be like, eh, no.  Maybe, finally I can be like normal people–you know, dead inside?  Sex not needing to be an everyday kind of thing. 
or more likely I am just a stressed person.  but whateva. 
7.  I am so happy with our President elect.  I loves him.  Hope everyone voted.   
8.  I miss my friends.  I want to have them over before I leave for STX.  but I am rapidly running out of time.Love you all!
-H.

Okay, so initially I was going to name this, ‘I have no words’.  but in reality, I have some damn words. 
My stepmother is so crazy she moved past “bat crap crazy” and has moved more towards “batten down the hatches, the evil is coming” crazy. 
For those of you who do not recall, she spurned last years birthday greetings as she determined that I was insinuating that she was an alcoholic due to the martini glass on the outside of the card.  ooookay.  whatever.
This year, this year in for the sake of my father (I know where I got my penchant for the crazy woman from, it must be genetic, anyway) I painstakingly handpainted a card to look like stained glass, and then I wrote a simple Happy Birthday on the inside…
crazy-ass bitch had it sent back addressee not known. 

I assumed it was a mistake.  I mean, right?  It had to be a mistake.  I double checked the address…okay, that was correct.  So I called my father…nope.  no mistake. 
Sometimes, in the midst of all that wackiness, you just have to laugh. 
and yes, I sent it again. 
*snicker* 
I wonder how many times it will come back….