Well, damn. I was right. I am not a good person and right now I am mourning the loss of something that could have been special. There are some people who don’t like to be written about, because I’m feeling some heartache right now about one of them….well, I shall write. But in only the broadest of details. I withdraw…it’s what I did to protect myself from hurt. And when I selfishly remove myself from the world I forget how much that can hurt people who care about me.
I have hurt people I love.
And being the asshole that I am I didn’t even realize I was doing it because in my twisted little brain I default to assuming people are always better off without me. I am now forcing myself to believe that is not true, people are not always better off without me.
Often life-changing realizations come too late and right now I am shedding some tears and embracing a well-deserved loss.
To those I have hurt…I’m so damn sorry.
I have to move forward. Waiting for the magical day when I wake up having become the person I want to be has not worked thus far. So, it is time to make changes and take steps every day towards being who it is I am supposed to be. But no more withdrawing because everytime I disappear into my little protective cave of hiding it gets harder and harder to come out again.
To the very good man I hurt twice, the man smart enough to say goodbye to me, when you get a chance please listen to the link below. Because to me, you are so fucking special. I am sorry.