Potential new low?

I woke up particularly early this morning (approximately 04:00), which makes sense since I went to bed somewhere around 19:00 (7pm). Well, as I fussed and tossed and realized Herbert (dog) was off doing his normal crepuscular search for horse poop. This made me sigh loudly and call for a KITTYKITTYKITTY because come on, something needs to snuggle me, dammit. No critters came a’runnin. So, now full of self-rightous indignation I get out of bed and stomp into the kitchen calling KITTYKITTYKITTY and nary a single ungrateful bugger is to be found! At this point I had devolved to muttering something along the lines of “I am the lady who feeds all y’all and I just wanna snuggle why are there no snugglers present. I don’t care which one of y’all it’s gonna be but SOMEONE is gonna snuggle me.” But which more accurately probably sounded more like…”SNUGGLE. me. Food you. Why? Where? Snuuuuugggllle?” So, back into the bedroom I shuffle. I decide to activate the emergency backup snuggle system aka Life (old girl dog). “Pretty pretty princess! Time to wakey wakey! Wanna snuggle?”  She replied with a snore and two tail thumps. I grabbed my robe belt and loosely wrapped it around her neck. She opened her bleary eyes and rolled onto her back stretching, thumped her tail twice more and looked at me with a resounding, “are you fucking kidding me?”
And that’s when I realized I may have hit a new low, laughed at myself, grabbed my keyboard and figured if I couldn’t snuggle any of the ungrateful little buggers I might as well wake up and tell y’all about it. Besides, in a few minutes I am fairly certain there will be a very excited and stinky Herbert jumping on the bed explaining all about how he found HORSES! and did you know!? They make delicious snacks which double as COLOGNE!!? Best. Day. Ever. Which makes me wanna laugh and vomit all at the same time–then it’s bath time.
Good morning y’all!