‘aight…some days I wake up and say, “Why, Good Morning World! Today I am going to be productive as hell so all y’all bitches get out of my way”.

This was not today. Please allow me to detail my morning for ya:

5:30 AM – alarm slowly lights up and INSANE BIRDS begin attempting to gently ease me into my morning.

6:00 AM – alarm reaches full level of brightness and THE DAMN INSANE BIRDS noise is a peak pitch no longer attempting to ease me into my day but instead attempting to lever me straight out of bed.

6:01 AM – phone call from D to WAKE ME UP (very kind considering he is in the Pacific Time Zone which puts that at 3AM his time).

6:05 AM – turn alarm off and switch Alarm #2 on which is pre-set for my convenience at 7:15 AM.

6:15 AM – take morning medications…stretch out for a bit of a snooze.

6:45 AM – alarm slowly begins to light up and INSANE BIRDS begin slowly easing me into my morning, part deaux.

6:47 AM – I think, “mmmmm, pasta breakfast” and go and heat up leftover noodles for breakfast after grimacing at the bright and shiny day that has dawned so beautifully here and stating, “well, isn’t the world all bright and damn chipper today-GAH!” as real live INSANE LOUD BIRDS were attempting to inform the world that “THEY ARE BIRDS AND DAMN HAPPY ABOUT IT”.

6:55 AM – Return to my bed and (THIS IS WHERE WE WENT WRONG…and by we I mean me) turn on my television to eat just “for a few minutes while I eat breakfast”.

8:17 AM – Panic begins. Throw on clothes…grab bag. Throw into truck. Realize I don’t have phone. Run back into house…grab phone, realize my medications aren’t in my bag—giggle in relief of realizing that before I get to the office. Look for headphones. Get into truck; drive to work. Get into door around 08:29 and sit down with relief. Continue slogging through online training from hell.

10:15 AM – Look around; realizing it has been pretty quiet. After a moment I conclude the following: I don’t have my phone, don’t have my meds, don’t have my headphones, and I do not win at life. However, I would like to state for the record that I am, in fact, wearing pants…so yay me.