Okay, I know I have been through a really rough time of late.  My whole world has been flipped on its butt, kicked in the kidneys, and roughed up but I survived it (thus far).  So why do I sit here crippled with anxiety?  So many many reasons and absolutely none of them good (although owing the IRS with no way to pay them is a pretty good reason).  Why am I avoiding taking the medicine I need to function? no good reasons…just avoidance.  Why am I so poor that I want to cry every single day? because I am really bad at money and no matter how hard I try to make it better it seemingly just gets worse. 

This is not a post that is going to have a happy ending.  This is just a post that contains a stream of consciousness about what I am feeling right now.  I just want to get over all the anxiety, the grief, the depression, the poverty, and most of all…the godsdamned fear.

**Deep Breath**

Keep fighting folks; I keep trying….my soul is exhausted, I feel haunted, alone, scared and broke and I keep trying. Most days I just keep fucking trying.  I just want to stop crying now please.  

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