>Ha!

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

>I have found the key to happiness. Sure, I don't get another weekday off for 7 months BUT today (people–get excited), today I found at Office Max a giant tub of individually wrapped twizzlers and a box of purple pens.
~performs happy dance~
The twizzlers just make me happy because they are delicious and I haven't had a piece of licorice the whole time I've been on island (I've only seen ginormous bags of twizzlers for like $20-i couldn't commit to that many).
The purple pens make me happy cause 1. they were $2 for 12 of them and 2. They are going to make my sarcastic co-worker a little more insane. Some of my greatest joys in life are hearing him say in a shocked hissing tone, "inappropriate" at one of my horrifyingly inappropriate stories or when he stomps around the lab stating–"why are there no NORMAL-colored pens here!"

Sleep well ya'll!

>Promise…

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

>I promise, as soon any of the overly dramatic annoying horrifying stuff happening right now becomes funny I will write it up.
But let's just say due to a contractual misunderstanding I am not getting another day off for a good 7 months.
Ahhahahaha….nope. Still not funny.
Also, covered in hives again without having ingested mango….ahahahaha…..nope-itchy.
Alright. have a decent one.
-H.

good morning!

Posted in Naughty by

~you wake up with me tucked up against you. My firm round ass pressing against your cock. While I continue to sleep you run your hand down my spine…I shiver and moan in my sleep and wiggle a little closer. You grab the bottle of lube and slick yourself. You take a second to look at my naked trusting body before forcing your cock deep into my ass. I gasp at the abrupt intrusion and as I attempt to wiggle away from you, your arm snakes around my chest and your hand rests gently at my throat and you whisper, “easy….” while you enjoy my sweet agony….~

>Why cats are evil….

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

>So. I'm a dog person. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love them. I always have. When I was 7 I brought home a full sized doberman I stole from a new neighbor (the new neighbor was underwhelmed and my mother was traumatized). More recently I've turned slavering 150lb dogs into lapdogs as well as bent laws to keep my dogs with me.

However, cats and I have never really seen eye to eye. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against cats but they've never been fond of me. Probably given my tendency to chase them around going "kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty".

So when the whole, "I live in the rainforest and holy shit there is a rat in my house a rat. a. RAT. Oh. My. GAWD and mice. Mice. oh my GAWD." problem occurred a cat seemed to be the best answer.

And it was.

Please note: Greebo (the kitty) is doing his job. Living things do not last long round these parts. Many a baby lizard have I caught and tossed outside with a whispered, "run fool! Run!!!" I'm fairly certain my dogs are still alive by sheer mass. Something the size of a pug would be killed and strung up as a warning to other dogs by this cat. (Sorry, he kinda IS that creepy)

As well as my dogs are trained is as well as this cat has me trained.

Tonight we had the following discussion:

"HUMAN!! Open my packet of wet food!"

*me enjoying a movie* "shut up Greebo"

"HUMAN!! Do it now or there will be consequences!"

*goes to take shower, hears CRASH from kitchen, goes into kitchen*

~Greebo looking smug~

*I pick up keys, safety glasses, wallet, and pen from floor*

"Human, last chance!" he meows.

Then, the little bastard twines around my open bottle of diet coke spills it, stands over it, and watches gleefully and it pours all over the counter and onto the floor.

*sighing with resignation I open a packet of food, clean the mess off the counter and floor, take a shower, and go to bed*

Game, set, and match goes to the cat. again.

~sigh~