Random crap….

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I fell asleep for about an hour and woke up from a very strange sex dream that was not in any way sexy. I also woke up hungry. So a quesadilla and a suburgatory episode later….here I am. Writing nonsense. I’m pleasantly sore from swimming every day this past week–not long and not far, but hell at least I did *something*. I worry sometimes about backsliding into not moving around anymore; here’s hoping that doesn’t happen-exercise is sanity.
It is so beautiful here on this island it is suprising how little I take advantage of things like the beach–I am working on doing those things more.
Over the last year I went through a lot of bad crap; I really did. Although everything that happened affected me, what I can’t stop thinking about was how deeply I was affected by the closure of the refinery. What I am finally realizing after I have been out of that place almost 11 months to the day was how I quite literally gave myself completely to that complicated mess that was an oil refinery. Was that healthy? nope. Was I alone? not even a little. People working at other oil refineries thousands of miles away live and breathe to hear rumors of what is happening with that place. I sat next to a man who received 4 phone calls asking about various rumors. There is a facebook group dedicated to keeping in touch with others who were in that place.
What was it that made it so all encompassing? not quite sure…still trying to figure that out.
If it reopens; would I want to go back ‘inside’? Again, not quite sure…still trying to figure that out.
On one hand I really learned more in that place than I ever had before–and I am still using that knowledge every single day. On the other hand I was only considered part of the team when they found it convenient; and I was cold-shouldered when it was inconvenient. That part sucked.

This is not a pressing question; just rambling and letting my thoughts take me where they will. I do know that I am blessed as hell to have been able to stay as well as get a job doing something I am pretty darn good at while working with some great people.
‘aight, I am going to try the sleeping thing again.
Love all y’all.
H.

Results Are In

Posted in Thoughts and/or Observations by

okay, so the cancer is exactly the same as the cancer we found during the first biopsy.

woo-hoo?

Yes, this is a woo-hoo! This means that the cervical cancer is NOT the outer edge of the cancer (example: ovarian cancer that is super bad and has spread to the cervix) but the center and total of the cancer. So, simple hysterectomy leaving the ovaries in place (torn on whether to just leave one and having them kill off the appendix while they are in there or not….) will be a total cure and tah-dah I should be fine.

I have an appointment to make sure my hoo-haa is healing okay tomorrow at 10am and I will schedule the hysterectomy then.

(still waiting for the damn water delivery…..I think they are just fucking with me now. *wink*)

Handy Tip – French Salad Dressing

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

Please note this is in no way a kinky post; but it sure as hell opens the door for a metric crap-ton of tossed salad jokes.

So, I have “developed” a lazy person’s way to make a very tasty salad dressing; the original version was taught to me by my Mimmi (paternal grandmother). I took her recipe and added slack. Enjoy.

  • Take one mostly empty bottle of ketchup–around 1/3 or 1/4 of a bottle (pro-tip: don’t do this unless you have purchased a new bottle of replacement ketchup or you will be SUPER pissed when you go to use some ketchup and all you have is french dressing).
  • Then eyeball how much ketchup there is and add a similar amount of sugar or substitute–if it feels like you are adding too much you are probably just about right–the original recipe was 1 cup ketchup plus 1 cup of sugar….so, yeah. I’m a diabetic, I usually use splenda. 🙂
  • Then dig up some vinegar–plain white stuff, balsamic (if you want it to taste balsamic-y), red wine, white wine, heck–even apple cider has been used. Whatever, vinegar. Put about half  the amount of your ketchup. So yeah, if you have a cup of ketchup–use 1/2 cup or so of vinegar.
  • Then find some oil–food based oils are preferred. 🙂 You know, olive….I have always used olive but be all sorts of crazy if you wanna. Throw a little more of the oil in the bottle than the amount of vinegar; not a ton more but more.

(just figured out why I never write recipes; please accept my apologies! 🙂 )

  • So, shake it up and use it if it tastes good to you. 🙂 This is red-french or catalina-style dressing. I find it tasty and oh so conveniently in a squeeze bottle. enjoy. 

(I am waiting for water to be delivered to fill my cistern and my theory was if I get super involved in writing posts it will show up more quickly; I appear to be wrong.)

fucking. call. please.

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

Okay, I’m extremely hyperfocused at the moment–focused completely on waiting for my damn cellphone to ring. A week ago today my gynecologist took a great whopping chunk out of my cervix in the lovely shape of a cone. That particular joyous event is called a ‘cold cone biopsy’. No, they don’t do anything fancy or freezy–they just don’t use any heat to stop the bleeding. If they use cauterization they call that a LEEP–same shit, different tools. I don’t get to have sex for 6 weeks (5 now bitches *wink*) and I get to look forward to ‘passing’ stitches (seriously? my dog gets dissolving stitches and we haven’t figured that shit out for humans yet?).

Yesterday I called the office because I had to know…were there any results? Yep, there were and they are still right there and I can’t have a copy because the doctor hasn’t looked at them yet….well, hell. Luckily they thought I was being funny when I told them that Dr. T was acting too needy. But give me my fucking results you useless asshats. *deep breath* they are doing their jobs etc. etc. etc. but I want to know….how far has the cancer spread?

It’s a fair goddamned question, no?

You all know I have spent more time than should be legally allowed searching all possible results–at this point I could probably interpret anyone’s cervical biopsy.

Wanna know what else I keep thinking about? huh? do ya? My mother, not the good one, the one less-than-lovingly known as Lurleen’s Mom (long story–involved white trash party names and lots of hilarious chats with friends) asked me if I lost weight because of the cancer.

well, fuck. I don’t think so. But hell–maybe?

So, I am a wee bit wound up today. Feel like an overstretched rubber band!

May I have my results please?

you know it is going to be a weird-ass day when…

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you know it is going to be a weird-ass day when you meet your anesthesiologist in the elevator.

no, seriously. There I was at the hospital attempting to find the surgery department and there was this mustached older white dude carrying a red & white cooler running for the elevator. I held it open because in my world that is what people should do besides, I am still not sure if that cooler contained his lunch or possibly someone’s organs. *shrugs*. He asked where I was going and I replied–surgery. He said, Dr. whatshername—I said, “yup” and asked, “are you my anesthesiologist?”. Now, to this day I have no idea how the hell I knew he was an anesthesiologist and when he replied, “yes, how did you know?” I said, “you. look. like. an. anesthesiologist.”

Cue the awkwardness.

Thankfully he seemed to be just as awkward as I am so that worked out. Later on, he totally gave me a big ole’ shot of something benzodiazapiney and I was on a cloud of whatthefuckever for quite some time. Approximately 2 days after my surgery I found my discharge papers in my bag which they had me initial and everything despite the fact I remember nothing about anything. Very clearly on the paper it says, “no-one allowed inside for 4 weeks”. Something about the way that was written still cracks me up–so much for the cocktail party I had planned in my vagina (?!?)

sigh.

okay…so. Time to get up and go do stuff.

🙂

 

 

I’m only a little broken. :)

Posted in Thoughts and/or Observations by

So, I had a wee little bit of cancer. I say had because probably all of it was cut out of me last Tuesday during something called a cold cone biopsy aka – cut most of my cervix with a scalpel. Good times.

Thankfully there is such a thing as general anesthesia. 🙂

I am still supposed to get a hysterectomy but nothing is scheduled yet. I don’t have the results from the cold cone biopsy yet but if I have learned anything at all from this adventure if my phone starts ringing a lot on Monday morning and all of the calls were from my doctors office–the news is not good.

I’m doing okay. The hardest part was telling my parents; I expected my mom to freak out and my dad to be fine. My expectations were mostly wrong. My dad is worried sick; my mom is alright.

Anyway, just a quick update. *hugs*

-H.

Locking my keys in my car was NOT a ploy.

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny..., Thoughts and/or Observations by

No, seriously–it wasn’t. But if I weren’t me I wouldn’t believe me either.  I have a neighbor who I used to work with and he is, for lack of a better term, dreamy….~sigh~. Like all humans I am certain he has his pluses and minuses but the fun part of a crush is I don’t really know much about him.

So, I saw him cutting his grass and sent him a text (yes, I am *quite* subtle thank you very much) that initially said, “wow, you are damn pretty” but I had to change the pretty to good looking because he got offended when I called him pretty.  I noticed that he hadn’t replied in about an hour and sent him a follow-up which said something along the lines of, “uh…did you not enjoy my incredibly smooth come on?” because, again, I have NO moves. Seriously, none. I scare off more people with my direct approach than should be legally allowed. Needless to say, still no reply. About 3 hours later I realized if I wanted to eat anything I needed to go to the grocery store and with a sigh of grumpitude I heaved my butt off the bed and put on shoes. I felt incredibly proud of myself that I even remembered to grab the reusable bags! And then when I attempted to open my car door–it was locked. And there were my brightly colored keys glinting in the moonlight on the seat.  And then I blushed. No, no…I mean–B.L.U.S.H.E.D.

Now, you are thinking: but H!? that happens! people lock their keys in their cars once in a while. Yes, and that was the third time in the month of January. After the first time where we spent way too much time with wire and shims and luck breaking into my car I gave my one spare key to my neighbor figuring I would be hedging my bets. The second time I locked them in the car was in the KMart parking lot. Thankfully he just unlocked it and hid my keys and I didn’t have to face anyone. But now! after the ‘good looking’ ever-so-subtle text messages of earlier. Fuck. After gently banging my head into the roof of my car for a few minutes I began the walk to my neighbors while I made the dreaded phone call.

Serioulsy? would you believe I didn’t do that on purpose (okay, maybe *you readers* will because I let you in to read the whole story–but if you were the hot guy being flirted with would you not have thought–“whoa–desperate”; yeah–me too!)

So, after answering the phone and I explained the shameful situation and explained I was on my way he told me that he was out and that he wouldn’t be returning home tonight so he would swing by quickly. I was impressed hot guy went on overnight play dates–had I been more on my game and not fully flushed with embarrassment I would have asked to go along–but then he explained he had to go to his mothers. So, embarrassment saved some extra blushing there. (YAY!)

It was about then that he arrived and you are going to love this part, ready? I opened my mouth and explained I was sorry for the text messages earlier and that I really didn’t do this on purpose but I understand if he doesn’t believe me. He then replied, “you sent me text messages?” and immediately picked up his phone to read them.

DAMMIT! Busted. well-played, world–well-played indeed.

It this were a fair and just universe then I would have coerced him into the land of nookie; but alas he just sorta laughed at me with a serious glint–but by that point I was too far past embarrassed to care and laughed along as well.

Recently I learned that I am the opposite of his type: he likes short, thin, and dark complected whereas for those of you who don’t know I am tall, thick, and pasty. Oh well, it was worth a try; after all I have GOT to learn some moves. (seriously, I have no moves).

the damn internets are trying to make me cry.

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I hope everyone got more sleep than I did last night. I wish I had a good reason for not being able to sleep but nope, I was alone. ~sigh~

So, during today’s lunchtime internet exploration I watched the halftime show (meh) and then some of the commercials. The damn Clydesdale baby horse grows up and reunites with trainer was all heartbreaking and then there was an article about a man giving his dying dog one last perfect day and I became extremely damp and weepy.

Yes, I annoyed myself – so I came here to write that down and get my brain out of whatever wet hole it accidentally fell in.

Additionally, since I watched a portion of the Superbowl with a bunch of boys I am extremely glad I didn’t see that Clydesdale commercial in public. It says a lot about me that while with a group of people having fun watching the Superbowl I really just wanted to get home to check on my toilet repair (I think it is going to hold! ~grin~). The food was great; next time I will bring embroidery or something equally ridiculous.

Okay, so maybe I am in a wee bit of a contrary mood today. ~smile~