>Dear Folks,
Coupla new things, 1st off it is Sunday and my husband was supposed to go home today. However for the past 2 days he has been deaf in his right ear. So the airline recommended that he not fly, pay them a buttload more money to change his flight, and that we find an island doctor. So we have our plans for the next day or so….*sigh*
2nd thing, I invented a new drink. Wilkes named it the "Constipated Russian" and it is delicious!
Take one coffee cup, fill with ice. Add some cold-brewed coffee (my new favorite thing, seriously, google it–it has changed my entire opinion on coffee), then add some vanilla rum and some caramel baileys. Then top off with milk and more ice. Oh, the secret ingredient? 2 tsp of Benefiber. (Well, it's kinda like eating a vegetable.). Sure, the fiber is not required, but how else would it be a "Constipated Russian".
And thirdly, my Aunt and Uncle are on island (Yay!!) But they had a rough time getting out of Miami so we decided to meet up tomorrow instead. I can't wait to see them!!!!

>Dear everyone. I haven’t written lately, mainly because I have my husband in town and it is way more fun to spend time with him then time with my computer. I even turned in my timesheet a day late (I am going straight to accounting hell when I get back–hey, thats not a bad idea–we should lock people in trouble with accounting in a closet or something…waterboarding?) sorry, lost track there for a minute.
Anyway, everyone is asking, do you know if you are being shipped home? In truth, I have absolutely no idea. Neither does anyone else. Believe me, I have asked.
When (if) I find out, I will let everyone know. But for now, there is just no information. Some days it feels like I am here for the duration, some days, not so much.
The truly sucky part is I have absolutely no control over it. None at all. So I am just enjoying my time here day by day and really enjoying having my husband here. He is loving the water and does some snorkeling (and he free dives too!) almost daily. The dogs were thrilled to see him and everything is going great.
I love ya’ll, and I will write more (and be funnier) when I am alone and bored. I get damned entertaining when I am bored. 🙂
-H.

>So today we went to Sandy Point. It is a stunningly stark and beautiful beach, the water is a little rough but still amazing. I swam, I read, and I did NOT wear sunscreen. Can anyone explain why I am this stupid? So, I am a little (lot!) red on my back. Tomorrow–sunscreen AND a shirt.
For those of you wondering, yes, I have taken a work day off to spend with my husband. It is going to make for a long 4 day week, but totally worth it. We are snorkeling again tomorrow–this time back to Buck Island.
Wear sunscreen! And don’t tell my dermatologist!

>

We did the west end snorkel tour today, then came down to Rhythms to grab lunch. We played some chess, then a kid jumped in and they are in a death match. 🙂
No matter how much kids irritate him, this patient man is a born teacher. Of course, the rum prolly helps. 🙂
Happy Saturday folks.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I am well aware…

Please note that I am well aware I am slacking in my smut duties.  Like all sex writers I have fallen down on the job (no pun intended, but it still made me giggle when I wrote it) and ended up spending too much time talking (and thinking) about feelings.  I admit, I am f’d up.
So here is what is going on lately (or at least some of what is going on).  I had a hippie stuck on my couch for a week.  A (it turned out) heroin-addicted hippie who “borrowed” $30 and who I haven’t heard from to pay it back yet.  grrr.  I know, I know…I was trying to do the karmic-ly appropriate thing.  And the bastard stole my lighters and I think my $30.  But, for those of you concerned I was SO not attracted to him in any way (ick) and it was nice to have someone around to talk to where there was no sexual overtones.

Okay, so it turns out bling dude (remember the emascualated bling dude?) showed up and saw/heard me and hippie chatting on the couch.  Blingie approached me at work and was like, “who is the guy on your couch”.  I said hippie-friend.  He was all offended.
Whateva.

So then, last week I was reading the news.  and there was a sexperiment that apparently went wrong.  A few people commented on it, and one comment that stuck with me was, Jeff Foxworthy is going to have a field day with this one.  I snorted right out loud when I read that.  Anyway, here is the article.  Ladies, read at your own risk, I guaruntee you will smack your knees closed and want to protect your nethers when you read this (a saber saw?!? really? I like some kinky shit but OWWWW!):

Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy EncounterFriday, March 13, 2009

NBC Washington: Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.

Prince George’s Hospital

Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George’s County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.

The man who called 911 about the incident admitted attaching the sex toy to the saw and then using the high-powered, homemade device on his partner, according to the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff’s office said.

>The dude to my left is eating pig tail and corn meal.
Dude.

>So, I am sitting here in a trailer on a bench. The dude next to me is eating his lunch, a thermos full of fish and some bread. I'm eating a granola bar and a diet coke.
Dude.

>Do to many requests here is the link for all the pictures that were taken during my friends visit. I haven’t named them all yet, but since I know you are all avoiding work to read this blog…here ya go. 🙂

http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y189/heathea/Erins%20Visit/

Enjoy!

>Dear Blog Readers,
I am sorry I didn't update you during my friend's visit, but in all honesty we were out having too much fun.
We took a ton of pictures, which I am hoping to have time to upload tonight. I did all sorts of touristy stuff and can't wait to do it again! We laughed, we drank, we snorkeled, we drank, we ate, we drank. It was big fun. Erin mentioned that she found my road a tad too bumpy for her taste, but I shall let her leave a comment about that. 🙂
It was relaxing, big fun, and a much needed break from work. I love you Erin!!!

>Today the world took a small turn to the worse. Nothing too horrible, just a few small things. This morning I awoke, got dressed, attended our weekly safety meeting where I learned the refinery lost many more millions due to the evil economy and that consultants (that's me!) were a huge expense. I knew all of this, but let me tell you there is an unpleasant pressure when you feel you have to prove how much value you provide–all of the time.
So then I made a mistake. I am sure 99% of you have done it. You stop at a stop sign, no one is around, you go forward. Well I got a ticket in the refinery for failure to stop. *sigh* this is an embarrassing stupid thing that I shouldn't have done. It added just a little more stress to an overloaded plate. I had to go breathe in a private place for a little bit.
At the end of the day I went home, to my sanctuary, my clean comfy little apartment. Odd, what was that smell? I could not trace it. I smelled my garbage can, my drains, drawers…nada. I just kept getting whiffs of…well, bad.
I went upstairs. Nope. It's the carpet.
Where the carpet got wet from the roof. GAG!!! Mildew.
Smells bad. I could give descriptors, but let's just stick with bad.
Then I went out to bathe the beasts. Per the vet they need to be washed once per week out here. So, I scrubbed and scrubbed and then rinsed them. I did this bent over using the hose.
Turns out, if you stand up fast from a bent over position you can actually hear your back say something that sounds suspiciously like "Duck You" before the throbbing twang noise.
Then. My internet went down.
At this juncture I gave up, took an ice pack out of the freezer, a handful of advil and went to my stinky bedroom.
Some days man…some days.

Okay, but on the super happy bright side Erin shows up tomorrow! (Yay!!!) So as of tomorrow evening I am on vacation. I will take tons of pictures and post next week. *hugs*
-H.