>04:27: I lean into my dog Teak's head and whisper, "I'm going to have to kill him; and you're gonna have to help me hide the body."
And that's how my day started this morning.
Yesterday I had to get my phone replaced due to a water "incident". It wasn't even that dramatic or funny–just got some water on it…which apparently leaked thru the trackball and slowly but surely decimated my phone.
But back to the giant pain in my ass aka Doolie. My dog Life has completely given up on me as an owner and has been sleeping downstairs with what looks to be her middle pad extended upwards in my general direction. Teak the Faithful, well, he stays close but his face and flashing teeth very clearly tell Doolie is he unwelcome.
Greebo, f'n Greebo…well, he wants to give up no ground so he keeps attacking the foolish Doolie which only causes the (again) foolish one to get more excited and bang his idiot head into my bed more soundly Every Time.
(Reason #162 a kindle will never fully replace a book: you can't beat a dog with it–similar to Reason #1 (can't kill bugs) but different.)
Where was I? Oh yes, Doolie…so, I MacGyver'd a separation to keep him out of the bed loft…it involved stacked laundry baskets–that failed.
So we moved onto furniture And the laundry baskets-FAIL.
Then there was a hammock, a chair, and three laundry baskets-FAIL-although it did last just a bit longer.
So, for today–I give up. Hopefully with the addition of a baby gate and a prayer I can sleep tonight.
I would say goodnight; but let's be honest–time to make the donuts…
>So, funny story. Or maybe just so tragic I think its funny? I was complaining to my landlord about my ridiculous electric bill. Stating perhaps the hot water heater is causing my extreme cost. So he gave me an on-demand gas hot water heater. In theory more efficient and I am all for it. Now here is where the crazy funny kicks in. My neighbors and I used to share a 6-gallon water heater; but now that is theirs alone. Okay, cool. I asked him, so now the electricity from the hot water heater is on their "grid"? He looks at me and says, "uh, no. But don't forget you get that $25 for their usage of it." This is the same as before the gas… Oh. Okay. So wait. Not only do I now have to pay for additional gas for *my* hot water; but I get to pay for the neighbors' hot water too. It wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so painful.
>Last night started out calm. So calm. So nice. Everyone chillin out.
Then, then it was time for bed. Which apparently in Dooley speak means hunt the cat hiding under the bed.
For 6 hours.
From approximately 8pm to 2am I heard the cat occasionally spit in anger at (poor) Dooley who was just existing with his head stuck halfway under my bed. Every angered spit from the cat caused the dog to jerk and wham his freakin' head into the bed.
To be more specific, he didn't do this for 6 hours straight. He occasionally took a break to hop onto the bed and step on my head. There was one memorable incident when he attempted to SIT on my head.
*sigh* I officially have marmaduke staying at my house.
This morning I woke up with Dooley asleep under my legs taking the complete head of the bed (I had long since turned around to get my face away from Dooley).
My cat is still mad. My dogs are still underwhelmed. I am *tired*.
That's all I have for night one; when Dooley visits. 🙂
>…I am doing it for you. Yes, things were tame, normal. We had a routine. Which although reassuring, does not provide humorous writing. So, when a co-worker asked if I wanted to watch their dog Dooley I said sure. *snicker* Dooley makes my dog Life look like a petite flower. He is, to the best of my guessing, a Great Dane Lab mix. The cat hates me, the dogs are underwhelmed. Let the crazy begin…
…and have been playing for what seems like hours; I am just copying/pasting some general smuttery. Feel free to eavesdrop…
(post edited due to objectionable content; please enjoy the following video)
>Hey folks, So, I'm lying here sort of hoping for sleep. It ain't a' hattenin. Remember when you were a kid and slept *so* hard that you woke up with your face stuck to your pillow which had somehow heated up to about 300 degrees? Yeah, those were good times. Those of you on facebook know that my dog (Life) has been sick with a big hotspot and a cone-of-shame also known as an elizabethan collar to keep her from licking it. Her right side is completely shaved and in all honesty, she looks horrible. 😦 I took her collar off her tonight and she has been so stressed she is now lying incredibly close to me with her head on a pillow. Its not helping ME sleep, but I'm worried about her. *shrugs*, sometimes I'm a softie. 🙂 Works been going okay, friends have been going okay, family has been going okay, it's been fairly tame. I put up some holiday decorations. Okay, all I did was wrap some lights around my banister along with some purple kmart special garland. But at night it looks totally festive. Sadly, during the day it looks a little trashy. *shrugs* One thing I know about myself; I'm kind of lazy in regards to decorating. Oh, regarding the collar of shame (speaking of trashy) I got it for her on friday, but when I put it on it looked SO big. So, on Friday evening after cocktail hour it seemed a "good" idea to "trim" it. And I did. And it wasn't. Right after I trimmed it the dog immediately began licking the hot spot. Needless to say the next day, with the help of a friend who kept having to stop and bend over laughing at me, I duct taped that stupid collar of shame back together. Not only did my poor dog look stupid, she looked Trashy Stupid. The best way to take all the majestic glory out of a large breed dog is to shave one flank unevenly and put a large cone around her head covered in duct tape. New low people, new low. Life (the dog), never one to be held down by the stupidity of her owner has turned said cone into a battering weapon of mass destruction. Furniture has been knocked over and eventually moved, people and animals beaten, herded, and cut open. She now has a battering ram/slicing plastic cone of shame. Cone of Shame? No, says the dog; Cone of Dooooom!!!! Gnite ya'll. I wish you all to have the sleep of a happy child. -H.
Good morning, or rather good night. Don’t know, we are hitting the time between night and day. 🙂
I’m lonely. My Bear is sick. My friends are busy.
Soon I will fall asleep. Tomorrow I will truly update.