Welcome to the world’s most boring blog post

I have a solid 20 posts in draft, but I feel stuck in every single one. So, instead of hilarious anecdotes of visiting my family or even random fantasies instead you get this:

So, growing up I never ate peanut butter and jelly.  I had peanut butter on toast and I had jelly on toast but it was not considered normal to put the two together. I tried it in college and I rated it a solid “meh”. I finally found my favorite version of that sandwich (I told you–boring).
I had it last night and again for dinner just now. A toasted whole wheat bagel smeared on one half with Peter Pan peanut butter and the other half smeared with smuckers cherry preserves.  Then I alternate bites from each half. Holy crap is that good and holy crap was that *the* most boring information I have ever put out into this world.
I am incredibly sorry.
Love y’all,
-H.

Snoring. Or Vacation Days 1 & 2…

Why? Why is there snoring?  Why?! In what way was sleeping loudly an evolutionary advantage? Wouldn’t you have thought all the snoring genes would have been eaten back when we were hunter/gatherer types? 
And how is it I can happily sleep next to a dog snoring but a human snoring next to me fills me with annoyance and wakefulness. 
I just….I just don’t get it. 
So. Since I’m awake anyway I feel as if I should share my vacation updates. Nothing too exciting. Slept through Sunday with lots of snuggling. It was so freaking cold. Then, monday I spent time with my sister and great niece and then visited my mom & stepdad. It’s still freaking cold.
Okay. May need to poke the snorer to get him flipped over.
I am so tired.
Wish me luck.
Nite.

Hyperfocused MacGuyvering Causes Wounds

I now work at a job where I have more time off than I have ever had before at any job in my life.
It is freaking weird.
Everytime I submit for time off I get in trouble because I keep asking for 8 hours a day off per day and, oddly, I am only supposed to be working for 7 hours per day. Did I mention I get to travel to Ohio for 3 weeks because the place I work freaking closes for 3 weeks? And I still get paid. It is pure insanity to me; now you would think I would have noticed this last year but I had dengue fever, so I sort of missed the 2012/13 holiday season. Almost missed out on living due to that nasty virus. I loathe mosquitos. Anywhoodle, now I have all of this time…but I have absolutely no money. Everytime I think I am getting ahead, something stupid happens like my internet getting turned off because the credit card they had on file expired 4 months ago and now I owe them $200.00 which I don’t have. I paid them $100 and they gave me 5 more days to come up with the rest. So, on Monday I shall call them and beg them to wait until my Thursday paycheck before cutting off the interwebs. I swear, there *is* a point to this post; at least as much of a point as any of my random, oft inane, ramblings.
Today my attention deficit disorder allowed me to hyperfocus on preparing for my visit to Ohio. It all started with my most dangerous of all thoughts, “I wonder…”. In this case the thought was, “I wonder if it would make more sense to purchase shampoo/conditioner/random other toiletries to ship to Ohio so I have less to pack.” Turns out this was a great idea and I will be doing it. But along the way I came across something I *wanted*. I didn’t (don’t) *need* it; but I wanted it. They sell fancy little magnetic compacts that allow you to “de-pot” your makeup and streamline what you actually use. I hate having a crap ton of little compacts because one of my favorite colors or something is stuck in there along with 5 or 6 I didn’t love as much. And off I went…disemboweling makeup cases, finding a cd case to use as a container, then finding a better disemboweled compact to use for the stuff I really liked. I didn’t have any fancy magnetic paint or even magnetic sheeting; but I did have half a gluestick in a hot glue gun, a stick to poke the glue stick through, isopropyl alcohol, a hair straightener, and, obviously, tools.
I am less than proud to say that I didn’t do any of these things safely, intelligently, or even logically. Somehow I impaled my foot on an unknown something, sliced my index finger open while depotting (think slow ripping metal papercut), and received a couple few little burns here and there from grabbing hot little metal pots from the unstable surface of a hair straightening iron placed on a pillow.
I mixed and melted 2 foundations together to make the perfect color, melted small amounts of my 2 favorite lipsticks, mixed loose face powder, blush, and eye shadows with alcohol and made a little pots of pressed powder for various parts of my face. I glued all those little pots of my favorites into a previously disemboweled compact and glued all of the other de-compacted pots into a cd case along with a mirror.
All in all, although it was a totally hyperfocused illogical project that took me way too much time and caused me way too many injuries, I think I did pretty well and made myself a great travel compact.
image

Starting from the left we have 6 eye shadows, 2 lipsticks, a blush, face powder, and concealer/foundation. All things considered I can create every look I could ever want with what is in this sucker.
I’m quite pleased.
So, being poor makes me creative n’ shit. That said, it also makes me wounded and completely distracted from all of the stuff that I should probably be doing instead of this.

Dislike..

Okay, this is not a post about any great wrongs done to me or anything too exciting…just a chance to know me a little more should anyone be interested.

I really dislike riding around in a car for “fun”. Never understood it and I get violently car sick in the backseat. Sometimes even in the passenger seat…and on one rather intense occasion while driving on the island of St. Thomas.  It was weird and I sincerely hope not repeatable.
Back in the historical days of pre-marriage while attempting to impress upon my future ex mother in law what a lovely young lady I was I sat in the backseat of her ford escort wagon as she drove for about 3 hours through the winding roads of north Illinois until we meandered into Wisconsin. I remember silently praying for death as my stomach lurched one way then the other. It was horrible.
Now, there is one thing I really enjoy doing while other people drive and that is sleep. Oh, I can go from zero to snore in about 30 seconds if I am with someone I trust to drive and I sleep deeply and well.
I have a rather ongoing non-sexy fantasy of just conking out while someone drives me around for a while.
Alright, I know….not my most interesting of posts.
Love y’all.
-H.

A wee little boo boo.

I have an ouchie. Actually, I have 2 ouchies. The other night I dropped a glass candle holder onto the tile floor where it exploded like a grenade. Of course I wasn’t wearing any footwear and of course I got a minor shard in my right foot. I hobbled away and pulled it out. The next day, despite having cleaned it up, another shard found my left foot (dammit!!).
So, today my right foot hurts. I can’t *see* any problems, but it is achy in the spot where the glass was which freaks me the hell out. Only because of the diabetes. I keep walking and thinking ow. I know what I SHOULD do. I should be soaking it in clean salted water and inspect it but I’m all in denial and shit. I don’t wanna have the ‘betes and I don’t wanna have the boo boo.
Okay….I’m off to put a soaking bucket together.
*sigh*

Well, damn…

Well, damn. I was right. I am not a good person and right now I am mourning the loss of something that could have been special. There are some people who don’t like to be written about, because I’m feeling some heartache right now about one of them….well, I shall write. But in only the broadest of details. I withdraw…it’s what I did to protect myself from hurt. And when I selfishly remove myself from the world I forget how much that can hurt people who care about me.
I have hurt people I love.

And being the asshole that I am I didn’t even realize I was doing it because in my twisted little brain I default to assuming people are always better off without me. I am now forcing myself to believe that is not true, people are not always better off without me.
Often life-changing realizations come too late and right now I am shedding some tears and embracing a well-deserved loss.
To those I have hurt…I’m so damn sorry.
I have to move forward. Waiting for the magical day when I wake up having become the person I want to be has not worked thus far. So, it is time to make changes and take steps every day towards being who it is I am supposed to be. But no more withdrawing because everytime I disappear into my little protective cave of hiding it gets harder and harder to come out again.

To the very good man I hurt twice, the man smart enough to say goodbye to me, when you get a chance please listen to the link below. Because to me, you are so fucking special. I am sorry.
Creep Cover