One thing too much!

Posted in random word vomit by

You know how I was all “oh, whoa is me…the end is night…I’m ever so sad…blah blah blah” when the world kept kicking me in the teeth? Well, the world took one more shot at my face this morning and instead of being sad I got PISSED.

Completely random aside: I have So You Think You Can Dance on in the background and can ANYONE tell me why Kat Deeley is bright honkin’ orange this season? Anyone? It is freaking me out. 

Okay, back to the rage! Sorry, RAGE! I went into the kitchen to make my delicious nutritious tasty breakfast of ramen noodle (beef flavor if you were wondering). I splurged and used potable water instead of cistern water to fill the pan and attempted to light my stove AND I AM MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN OUT OF PROPANE! 

At the time I was filled with a burning anger that probably had a lot more to do with having NO GODDAMN DIET COKE IN THE WHOLE HOUSE and NO MONEY EITHER than with not having propane. I was able to make the (damn) ramen noodles in the (already fuckered) microwave which worked this time probably sensing the fact that I would have taken it out into the yard with a sledge hammer a’ la’ office space if it had decided to pull the “my buttons mean nothing and please don’t think I’m going to work in any way for you today bitch” routine it truly enjoys.

My thought process went as follows:

Are you Fucking kidding me? I have given up hot water, the ability to watch television on a television, my credit rating, nutritious food, some of my medications, a truck that I can steer without pulling a motherfucking muscle,and  DIET COKE FOR FUCKS SAKE!  Now I don’t even have the ability to COOK the cheap food I can now afford unless my piece of shit microwave decides to bless me with its ability to “sort of” work.  The rage…it burned. 

So, as you can see–I was pissed. Which, in my humble opinion, is better than being depressed. I popped a caffeine pill to attempt to negate the nasty headache of caffeine withdrawal, ate my ramen noodle breakfast, drank some of my blue kool-aid which is in no way similar to the wonderful carbonated dark cola deliciousness of diet coke, is pretty tasty.

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful rage-free morning. 🙂

 

Diabetes, you sneaky jackass!

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

I shall admit it, I’ve been a’slippin. I rarely test these days (because I am out of strips and strips cost $$$$$) and I have eaten my way through all of the candy I had stockpiled in my freezer. Why? Because candy tastes delicious, that is why! Have you tried it? Om nom nom nom.  Oh the yumminess. Now that I have devoured the sprees (favorite), twixes, york peppermint patties, and gummy whatevers over the last few days I have been home from Jacksonville please allow me to tell you the list of what the fuck is wrong with me due to the sugar overload: I hurt! my back (upper and lower), my ankles, hips, my fingers and toes, my shoulders.  Sleeping is almost impossible–it takes me hours to fall asleep. The sloth effect; I can lay still for hours and do very little.

So, why would I do that? Why would I eat candy if I know I was going to feel like hell? Well, if you have ever had food poisoning where you eat one thing and then are immediately sick and you never think of that food the same way again? Well, because these effects are not immediate my cute little brain doesn’t connect them; it connects CANDY=NOMMY & BODY=OUCHY.

So, just so ya’ll know I am in no way perfect I figured I would share this story.

Off to do stuff; before the ouchie overwhelms the living.

*kiss*

H.

Here I lounge, waiting for a storm…

Posted in Thoughts and/or Observations by

Yup, we should be sideswiped by tropical storm isaac, thankfully not hit dead on.  I am praying for Haiti today, I don’t think they can endure another tradgedy. 
Additionally, I’m a coward today.  I have a whole bunch of crap to say to someone who thinks they are into me, but really, I don’t think they are.  I’m a pretty damn unique person who occasionally wishes she were more normal.  I passed quirky a long time ago and weird just ain’t as cute as quirky; alas, I am what I am. 🙂
So, wish me luck.  I have to put on my big girl panties and embrace my inner badass and tell this person the following: 1. Being alone and being lonely are 2 very different things. I am alone; he is lonely. 2. I am way more amazing that to just be someone to fill an empty hole in someone’s life. 3. I’m just a godsdamned nice person. If someone has a need and I have a way to fix that need I will do so. I’m learning as I age that most people are not this way and I am trying to learn to do this only when it doesn’t detract from my life in any way. I used to give away anything anyone else needed/wanted to my own deficit and that has bitten me in the butt more times than I care to admit. So, while I was out of town it seemed perfectly normal for me to lend him my truck; it was not a clue that I was trying to date him. 
And now my truck has an issue–specfically the power steering line burst. And I am sorry, but I can’t *use* anyone to fix this for me. It would make me feel beholden in a shitty shitty way that I don’t want to have to deal with.  So, since I just realized that I was all squirmy and feeling wishy washy about it and feel much better after coming to the conclusion that I will get it fixed without feeling beholden to anyone if it kills me. I feel that straight physical pleasure for money is perfectly okay; but using emotions of someone to get money is evil. 
Okily dokily. 🙂

Well, I see how you are.

Posted in Chances are I probably thought it was funny... by

Some mornings I wake up knowing the day is going to kick my ass. Today is one of those days.
Work-wise, yesterday was a pretty good day. I did stuff, impressed the guy I was working with, and worked a 12 hour day.
Herbert was in doggie daycare and came out rather tired and frantic…happy to see me, but he really had to pee and was very much, “hey food lady, great to see you, look at all these other dogs, cool huh? Hey, so, my teeth are floating here. HELP!” So after he peed for a solid 3 minutes where he looked like a dude leaning on a tree after a night of drinking, off we went about our evening which included a squeaky toy play session and then CRASH, asleep. Herbert is sort of the perfect bed sleeper dog, he prefers to be at the foot of the bed curled up next to my feet or knees; last night however he was snoring and it was adorable. Because it was so damn cute I tried to pull him up to cuddle and he gave me a dirty look and went back to the foot of the bed. The doggie daycare gave me a report card (not kidding) and it was adorable too. Said Herbert made a new best friend out of a Doberman named Freya and that they wrestled during both morning and afternoon play seasons. It also said he didn’t have to be  put in a time out which I took to mean I have an amazing and well behaved puppy. 😉
Here is where the little bastard surprised me, this morning we arrived at the daycare and I let him out of the car. He went off and running to the door of the daycare and then when he was picked up by his handler took off with her happy as a clam. Hey?! Damn you with your happy independence and healthy attitude! Stupid normal happy well-adjusted well trained…yeah, I’m happy for him too. Stupid Herbert. Sigh.
🙂

My day

Posted in random word vomit by

This has been a long day thus far. It is has been a slow march to 10 am and I’m performing a noise survey with a little welding fume sampling thrown in for fun. I really do love my job. Yesterday, I may have actually helped people. At times I feel like I know nothing and to be honest I don’t know all that much. Sometimes though, I’m able to teach people who know even less than I do stuff that helps, and that makes me happy.
So, any of y’all ever been stressed? Not, oh crap I burned my toast stressed, but deep anxiety over being alive and trying like hell to be more at peace but failing miserably? Yeah, me too. My body is pissed about it. The first time I had THIS was when I was 18 and my whole world was cattywhompus and had destroyed a leased car and started college and it was just…a lot. The second time was during marital strife and a death in the family. Now here it is again. Hello creepy rash that isn’t exactly a rash but goes by a name that sounds something like,”pittoriousous rosacea”.  I have no internet nor phone signal at the moment or I would have found the real name but anywhoodle, it looks sorta like ringworm, but isn’t. And then it spreads…currently, the trunk of my body looks like I have some form of a pox. It’s a little itchy, but not horrid. I just look hideous.
The first time I had this I was stuck for about six weeks, the second time was only about two weeks, this outbreak seems more like the first time regarding severity.

When my sister visited me last week we went to a bookstore. There I purchased “the idiots guide to short meditations”. I really like the book so far, but I’m only in chapter 3, so who knows.

I have to find a post office today to pack and ship some items so as not to be crazy overweight luggage-wise. Did I mention my anxiety level is through the roof today which is causing ADD hell thus leading you to the word vomit type post you are now enjoying enduring.

I probably also didn’t mention that I have to leave for the airport at 4am, also that I have to call the airline and remain on hold for a thousand hours to remind them I still have the same Herbert with whom I left the island.

But I have to sit here and wait out my day. And by sit here I mean run around prepping for sample stuff and talk to the client and then come back and realize I am half way through the most rambling blog post of all time.
Bright side? I just got the wifi password. Woooohoooo!

Itchy

Posted in Thoughts and/or Observations by

As I lay here itching and oozing (thank you so fucking much, fucking fire ants) while my sister snoozes quietly next to me I cannot say much except that I love and adore my sister more than words can explain; but holy hell are we different.
She is the thin to my chunky, short to my tall, shy to my outgoing, no dog communication skills at all (although Herbert LOVES her) as compared to my almost eerie understanding of canine behavior, and she can irritate the hell out of me in 3 seconds flat; don’t worry, I do the same to her.
We are sisters, and I’m damned lucky to have her.
If the universe doesn’t stop kicking her in the face, it and I are going to have words.
It’s almost as if there is something in our shared DNA that clearly states, “we are fucking trying to do good things here” yet we so rarely succeed.
Ah well, time for a nap before I get up for class.
Nitenite