alright…

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I’m aware I have been a slacker but well, I’m lazy.
Things are mucho better on the cervical front. I’m sure you all spent your waking hours worrying. :/
So, I learned something recently; like seriously…did you know that fucking someone doesn’t make you friends?!? Actually, you all probably did–its just me that rides the short bus. *sigh* After some awkward work moments (shaking the angry fist at Mr. Blingy) AND you too Psycho (I blow a razzberry in both your general directions!!!). But after a long conversation this morning with Love (yes, he is not allowed to talk to me often; but once in a while we get to IM) it turns out that *I* am the weird one. Most folks do not have most of their ex-boyfriends (ex-bedmates) attend their wedding. Nor have they slept with the majority of the bridesmaids.
I’m not going to lie. I’m flummoxed here. My best friend (E) is the first woman I ever, urm…did. We just exhanged texts while I was mid-post.
So, I got nuthin. seriously. I can’t be the only person I know who is friends with people they have fucked–additionally I am instituting a new rule.
NEW RULE: There will never be fucking unless we are friends afterwards. hrmmm. wait a minute.
NEW RULE (amended): There will never be fucking unless we are friends before hand. Phone/text sex doesn’t count. Neither does it count if you are just covering me in oil and making me cum. It only counts if…. *scratches head* This is hard. I may need to develop some sort of flow chart….

NEW RULE (v3): Okay, if we fool around don’t be an asshole.

There, version 3 sums it up. Whenever I flirt with someone (fool around with, hang out with…whatever…you get the point) I get attached. Usually for a short time although sometimes for 15 years or so (Love and I are well on our way to having a tryst by the time we turn 80 or so. *sigh* ) For a few days post orgasm (be it self induced while on the phone, whatever) I need attention. I’m not too proud to admit that. I have a vagina–hells, most (some?) of ya’ll have seen it–additonally I have feelings.
So yes, don’t be an asshole is a good rule: take it and implement it in your daily lives.
Much love,
Haven.

>Wednesday. Why?

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>Well, I’m fussy. I don’t feel all that great, I’m trying to cut back on my diet coke, and today at work just kinda blew. You know, things don’t work right, but then when you get them back to the office to “fix” them (aka smack them around a little) and I turn them back on and they work just fine. Freakin’ annoying electronics.
I have a list of about 85 things I need to buy at kmart; and well, I am just not emotionally prepared to deal with kmart today. The last time I was at kmart I was there for 2 hours: 40 minutes of which I spent in line; 30 minutes of which I spent wandering aimlessly while they attempted to fix their “system”; and the other 50 minutes I spent trying to obtain items on my list and avoid running children. That’s right, I said running children. Not that I haven’t been tempted to run some of them over but I am still traumatized that at one point a child RAN FULL SPEED INTO MY CART. He almost knocked himself clean out. He looked all shocky and cry-y; I didn’t know what to do. This random (mean) lady said, “oooh honey, did she run over you?” Refusing to appologize for yet another thing I didn’t do I opened my mouth to object when the mother of said speedy child said, “DON’T YOU CODDLE HIM; AND HELL NO THIS NICE LADY DIDN’T RUN INTO HIM–HIS FOOL-ASS RAN INTO HER; MAYBE NOW HE WON’T RUN”. On one hand this little dude totally hit hard, on the other HELLS YA! You tell ’em mother of speedy boy! This nice lady didn’t do nothing wrong. darn it. So, yes. Long story short I now have to defensivly drive my shopping cart. And now you can understand why I am not yet emotionally prepared to go to kmart–it’s exhausting.

Dear Cervix.

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Well, fuck. I have an infected cervix. No, it is not from an sti. Yes, I double checked. It could have been a couple of things 1. trauma (okay, sometimes too rough is too rough) or it could have been 2. ocean sex.
Or maybe some jack-assed combination of the two. One thing I know is I feel like utter crap. All I want to do is go back to bed–ALL DAY.
blegh.
So anyway,
Dear Cervix,
you make me sad; please stop trying to kill me.
Thank you,
Love,
Haven.

>was I depressed?

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>

Everyone I know (including myself) has been depressed at one point or another throughout their lives. This weekend, I wouldn’t have called myself depressed as much as coma-like. Sure, I accompolished a couple things–a load of laundry, scrubbing out the cat-box–but in general there was much couch-ville and hulu on a 10″ netbook screen.
I could easily blame this move-less-ness on so many things… but being completely honest I took a weekend of 2 mental health days; and it was awesome. Of course, by the time Sunday night came around I had that dreaded sense of, “oh no, I haven’t finished my homework,” but in all actuality I didn’t have any homework and I get that sense of dread every Sunday (damn you school homework; scarring me for life like that!).
The other thing I accomplished this weekend was cereal. I know that sentence makes no sense but keep reading. So, I read other blogs–I find some of them awesome, some of them are boring, and a good number of them just cease to exist. However, my favorite at the moment is 2birds1blog.com I find the girl named Meg hoo-larious. Well, she waxes eloquent about Kashi Go Lean Crunch a lot. Finally tempted into trying it and Sweet Baby Heyzus its delicious! In fact, that’s what I ate all weekend. ALL weekend. Did I mention this has like 4, 786% (okay, exaggerating–but it’s a lot) of your daily fiber needs? This all leads into:

Important Tips I Figgur’d Out Last Week

  • Do not go from a crappy diet limited in fiber to eating nothing but fiber-filled cereal. This causes “issues”. Issues that, while hoo-larious, cause your dogs to look at you in disgust or worse, bark loudly in response to the dog that apparently crawled up your ass and is barking for help.
  • When you live on a small island with a small highway do not speed on it. If, by some evil twist of fate you do speed and get pulled over by the cops, do NOT ask them when the last time their radar was calibrated because “surely” I wasn’t going that fast. It does not make them like you more. (that said, I still maintain their radar was mis-calibrated)
  • No matter how lazy you are over a weekend; at some point the dogs will leap on you and make you get up. This is a reason I maintain anyone living alone needs to have a pet. Additionally I have to move around a lot more because I feel if I stay still too long my new cat will attempt to eat me, but that is a story for a different day.