Category Archives: random word vomit

So…

Posted in animal stuffs, Chances are I probably thought it was funny..., random word vomit, Thoughts and/or Observations by

I was going to write a vilifying post about this evil plumber guy who is the living embodiment of
everything I could possibly loathe all wrapped up in one human being but then a puppy pooped its own weight in my office and very little in the world as thought derailing as a service dog giving you a panic-eyed expression while a co-workers puppy-in-training is dropping a load in the corner of your office.

I can actually say that right now I love my life. 🙂

Sure, I just cleaned up a load o’ poo and that jerk of a plumber is still over there lurking in his ‘allthatiswrongintheworld’ type way…but in reality all is going okay. You are probably wondering why I loathe this man? Well, because he is a asshat. Like, a real one. An oldschool woman-hating jerk. Asked for a mop and when I showed him where one was he picked it up and attempted to wring it out by hand (eww). I showed him the wringer located on the mop and he said, “I am not a woman; I don’t know how to use these things”  my reply? “Well, I’m not a man and I know how to use every tool you have with you. So what’s your point?”

He seemed to think that was hilarious but since that crack plumbing team of “asshat” and “onthephone” brought an arsenal consisting of one pair of channel locks and a screwdriver I can honestly state that I have the ability and knowledge to use every tool they brought with them. Every single time I do a minor (MINOR) amount of plumbing (open u-bend to find lost whatever, new shower head, new flushing mechanism, etc.) I end up thinking how much I HATE plumbing. It only follows the timeless “righty tighty – lefty loosey” rule SOMETIMES. I mean, seriously? And did you know that the toilet you are sitting on right now is only one squadgy oval of wax away from leaking poop-water on your floor? At least with electricity you know water = bad and you also can state that enough of it will kill you. Zap = dead. Toxic vapors? Yep–they follow rules too. It’s just those sneaky damn plumbers with their sneaky damn plumbing making up rules as they go.
But they are smart buggers–I mean, no-one wants to crap in their own yard in front of the neighbors (could someone please inform the puppy about this?) so when that there fancy regulation wax dries out and poop starts seeping you are probably going to end up needing a plumber.
**sigh**
If I could do it all over again?I would TOTALLY become a plumber. :o)

Ten Random Things About Me

Posted in random word vomit by

1. I prefer vanilla oreos to chocolate ones.
2. I begin to panic if I don’t have diet coke available.
3. My favorite meal is tacos in any form.
4. When I am happy I sing along with the radio/ipod/elevator music; when I am depressed I forget to sing.
5. I originally thought I could do 100 things about me; downgraded to 50; and around 8 I realized I was being way too ambitious.
6. I love washing laundry more than any other chore; I hate folding laundry more than any other chore.
7. The feeling of clean laundry out of the dryer feels like nails on a chalkboard sounds to me and the folding of laundry is less horrid if I wear gloves (yes, I know this is weird).
8. I feel guilty when I nap.
9. I am not really a cat person and holy crap am I in trouble now that I have a cat who LIKES being chased around by someone saying, “KITTY KITTY KITTY KITTY!” yes, I am a real life Elmira.
10. When I was a wee tiny Heather I used to worry that ants didn’t have enough food and I would put lollipops on ant hills.

Hello Consent!

Posted in random word vomit, Thoughts and/or Observations by

Hello world, I am me. I am in no way perfect and I do not expect anyone else to be perfect either. Somehow though, I think yon’ kiddies have gone and fuckered up somehow. I have been engrossed (and grossed out) by the Steubenville, Ohio raping. In my vast internet searching of opinions and details I am just disgusted.

I enjoy sex. Hell, sex is one of my absolutely favorite things in the entire world. In the words of my favorite gynecologist, “if people don’t like fucking, they are doing it wrong” (I told you she was awesome). Throughout my college years I greatly enjoyed ‘mini-relationships’ or ‘hook-ups’; I have never enjoyed emotionless sex.  It turns out that over the years I just didn’t understand how to have a relationship and considering the multiple marriages of both of my parents this doesn’t shock me. Sex to me is something wonderful, not just because I can get off–but because it is such a connection with that other person. You can focus completely on that other person and sensations and fully immerse yourself in the joy of that time with the other person. It is, for me, quite spiritual. (okay–not every time; sometimes I do just want to get off–but most of the time; spiritual)

However, over the years I have sensed a distressing trend of young teenagers to immerse themselves into the ‘hook-up’ culture–but coldly.  I don’t know what it is about emotionless sex that causes me chills–but there is something about reducing what to me is an act of friendship and love to something equivalent to a fist bump (shit….I *am* 12. I want to make a bumping uglies joke and that is totally NOT appropriate. 🙂 ) that disturbs me deeply.

Recently, a new(ish) friend of mine asked me if my cervical cancer was caused by having too much ‘dirty sex’ and that question, well, sucked. Now, S–if you are reading this; do not get upset or think I am mad at you in any way. I am not. This is just an example of how a society based on repressed puritanical values will infiltrate and poison young open minds to think that sex is ‘dirty’ and shouldn’t be enjoyed. This is one reason I refuse to speak quietly about the fact I have cervical cancer. It sucks. It isn’t fair. And it is no-one’s damned fault.

In today’s news I was forced to read about society’s moderate outrage that Bill Gates wants to spend some (of his own damn) money to make a condom better. People are saying, well, if  you can orgasm in a condom it ‘can’t be that bad’. Sure–but it could be better. That is like saying, hey–the Ford Model T worked *just fine*; why would we want to make any other cars?

Sex-shaming has to stop. It. Has. To. Stop. We are animals that are blessed as hell to 1. not have any sort of penis spines such as those found in male cats and 2. the ability to THINK and decide what we want to do. We are sill just animals and as such our bodies *want* us to make with the procreation. But hot-damn! We were smart enough to think of ways around getting knocked up every time we have sex. Go Humans! Go Science! Does that mean everyone *should* have sex all of the time? I don’t care; it is a personal damn choice. If you want to remain virginal until marriage–good for you; that is an impressive sacrifice and I admire your fortitude. Does virginity decrease your value as a person? nope. Does enjoying sex decrease your value as a person? nope. Personal value IS mutually exclusive of sexuality.

Most women I know will say something like, “I believe in women’s rights; but I am not a feminist”. It has taken me years to understand that statement (which I used to say myself, btw) is utter bullshit. As a woman who worked with men on construction-type sites for years I was guilty of similar bullshit. I am not proud to say it took years before it dawned on my thick-head that I was an asshole and it. needed. to. stop. Nowadays when I am on a job site and something about me being a woman comes up I use clinical words such as vagina, labia, or ovaries to make men cringe; hell if I’m uncomfortable ‘all y’all gonna be uncomfortable. These things do not come up nearly as often as they used to; not because I am not a woman or do stupid shit like degrade men using supposed insults such as ‘girl’ or ‘youre being a woman’ or ‘pussy’–but because I am experienced and competent and them asshats need my help and nothing in this world is more impressive than a person who knows what the hell they are doing. In a moderately related note–hollywood is just as fucking guilty. The trailer came out for Kickass 2 and oooh-boy I was squeeing in my chair and I clicked and watched and for the most part, enjoyed. The parts that jumped out like a mental speed bump for me was when Hit-Girl was training with Kickass and she hit him as he complained she said something like, ‘Act like a bitch, get hit like a bitch’ and ‘take your tampon out’. See? She was written as saying the same kind of shit I was guilty of saying. I understand it is supposed to be funny–but if you take half of a second and think about the underlying BULLSHIT of the statements it just fucking sucks. Am I boycotting the movie? HELL NO! I can’t wait to see it. Will I continue to make sure anyone who see’s that preview understands how shitty statements like that are? HELL YES. Over and fucking over–until that women are weak bullshit STOPS.

Oh yeah, and the Steubenville rapists? they are not a group of boys (and if you think there were only 2 of them; you are sadly mistaken) who ‘accidentally raped someone’ and now their lives are ruined; they are fucking RAPISTS who did their damned best to humiliate and degrade someone who was not able to give their consent and video taped this disgusting event not for their ‘personal pleasure’ but to make certain the victim’s degradation was known far and wide.  Can doing something that horrific happen ‘accidentally’? Fuck no it can’t. The scariest thing I read regarding the rape was written by a teacher and is located here (http://accidentaldevotional.com/2013/03/19/the-day-i-taught-how-not-to-rape/). That brave teacher (and I mean BRAVE!) took on a scary topic with her students not with the approach of ‘and now we are talking about rape’ but dealt with the subject as it came up naturally and handled it beautifully. What is scary? That these (and I am certain many other younglings) do not understand what rape means. Please read her description; it was amazing.

In general as I live my life as an ethical slut I avoid slogans; let’s be honest–after too many repeats it just loses meaning to too many. The other day I saw a t-shirt that read, “Consent is Sexy”. As slogans go; I give it a ‘meh’ rating. I like the meaning–but the slogan blows. However, when I think of that moment when two people are intertangled and one whispers to the other, ‘please fuck me’ and the other says, ‘yes, please….’ and hell yeah, consent is sexy. Let’s take it one step further–enthusiastic consent is REALLY sexy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I beg of you: do not play idiotic games, do not follow anyone’s ‘rules’ but the ones you are comfortable with, and if and when you decide you want to have sex with someone-give consent enthusiastically!

 

 

Random crap….

Posted in random word vomit by

I fell asleep for about an hour and woke up from a very strange sex dream that was not in any way sexy. I also woke up hungry. So a quesadilla and a suburgatory episode later….here I am. Writing nonsense. I’m pleasantly sore from swimming every day this past week–not long and not far, but hell at least I did *something*. I worry sometimes about backsliding into not moving around anymore; here’s hoping that doesn’t happen-exercise is sanity.
It is so beautiful here on this island it is suprising how little I take advantage of things like the beach–I am working on doing those things more.
Over the last year I went through a lot of bad crap; I really did. Although everything that happened affected me, what I can’t stop thinking about was how deeply I was affected by the closure of the refinery. What I am finally realizing after I have been out of that place almost 11 months to the day was how I quite literally gave myself completely to that complicated mess that was an oil refinery. Was that healthy? nope. Was I alone? not even a little. People working at other oil refineries thousands of miles away live and breathe to hear rumors of what is happening with that place. I sat next to a man who received 4 phone calls asking about various rumors. There is a facebook group dedicated to keeping in touch with others who were in that place.
What was it that made it so all encompassing? not quite sure…still trying to figure that out.
If it reopens; would I want to go back ‘inside’? Again, not quite sure…still trying to figure that out.
On one hand I really learned more in that place than I ever had before–and I am still using that knowledge every single day. On the other hand I was only considered part of the team when they found it convenient; and I was cold-shouldered when it was inconvenient. That part sucked.

This is not a pressing question; just rambling and letting my thoughts take me where they will. I do know that I am blessed as hell to have been able to stay as well as get a job doing something I am pretty darn good at while working with some great people.
‘aight, I am going to try the sleeping thing again.
Love all y’all.
H.

you know it is going to be a weird-ass day when…

Posted in random word vomit by

you know it is going to be a weird-ass day when you meet your anesthesiologist in the elevator.

no, seriously. There I was at the hospital attempting to find the surgery department and there was this mustached older white dude carrying a red & white cooler running for the elevator. I held it open because in my world that is what people should do besides, I am still not sure if that cooler contained his lunch or possibly someone’s organs. *shrugs*. He asked where I was going and I replied–surgery. He said, Dr. whatshername—I said, “yup” and asked, “are you my anesthesiologist?”. Now, to this day I have no idea how the hell I knew he was an anesthesiologist and when he replied, “yes, how did you know?” I said, “you. look. like. an. anesthesiologist.”

Cue the awkwardness.

Thankfully he seemed to be just as awkward as I am so that worked out. Later on, he totally gave me a big ole’ shot of something benzodiazapiney and I was on a cloud of whatthefuckever for quite some time. Approximately 2 days after my surgery I found my discharge papers in my bag which they had me initial and everything despite the fact I remember nothing about anything. Very clearly on the paper it says, “no-one allowed inside for 4 weeks”. Something about the way that was written still cracks me up–so much for the cocktail party I had planned in my vagina (?!?)

sigh.

okay…so. Time to get up and go do stuff.

🙂

 

 

the damn internets are trying to make me cry.

Posted in random word vomit by

I hope everyone got more sleep than I did last night. I wish I had a good reason for not being able to sleep but nope, I was alone. ~sigh~

So, during today’s lunchtime internet exploration I watched the halftime show (meh) and then some of the commercials. The damn Clydesdale baby horse grows up and reunites with trainer was all heartbreaking and then there was an article about a man giving his dying dog one last perfect day and I became extremely damp and weepy.

Yes, I annoyed myself – so I came here to write that down and get my brain out of whatever wet hole it accidentally fell in.

Additionally, since I watched a portion of the Superbowl with a bunch of boys I am extremely glad I didn’t see that Clydesdale commercial in public. It says a lot about me that while with a group of people having fun watching the Superbowl I really just wanted to get home to check on my toilet repair (I think it is going to hold! ~grin~). The food was great; next time I will bring embroidery or something equally ridiculous.

Okay, so maybe I am in a wee bit of a contrary mood today. ~smile~

 

One thing too much!

Posted in random word vomit by

You know how I was all “oh, whoa is me…the end is night…I’m ever so sad…blah blah blah” when the world kept kicking me in the teeth? Well, the world took one more shot at my face this morning and instead of being sad I got PISSED.

Completely random aside: I have So You Think You Can Dance on in the background and can ANYONE tell me why Kat Deeley is bright honkin’ orange this season? Anyone? It is freaking me out. 

Okay, back to the rage! Sorry, RAGE! I went into the kitchen to make my delicious nutritious tasty breakfast of ramen noodle (beef flavor if you were wondering). I splurged and used potable water instead of cistern water to fill the pan and attempted to light my stove AND I AM MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN OUT OF PROPANE! 

At the time I was filled with a burning anger that probably had a lot more to do with having NO GODDAMN DIET COKE IN THE WHOLE HOUSE and NO MONEY EITHER than with not having propane. I was able to make the (damn) ramen noodles in the (already fuckered) microwave which worked this time probably sensing the fact that I would have taken it out into the yard with a sledge hammer a’ la’ office space if it had decided to pull the “my buttons mean nothing and please don’t think I’m going to work in any way for you today bitch” routine it truly enjoys.

My thought process went as follows:

Are you Fucking kidding me? I have given up hot water, the ability to watch television on a television, my credit rating, nutritious food, some of my medications, a truck that I can steer without pulling a motherfucking muscle,and  DIET COKE FOR FUCKS SAKE!  Now I don’t even have the ability to COOK the cheap food I can now afford unless my piece of shit microwave decides to bless me with its ability to “sort of” work.  The rage…it burned. 

So, as you can see–I was pissed. Which, in my humble opinion, is better than being depressed. I popped a caffeine pill to attempt to negate the nasty headache of caffeine withdrawal, ate my ramen noodle breakfast, drank some of my blue kool-aid which is in no way similar to the wonderful carbonated dark cola deliciousness of diet coke, is pretty tasty.

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful rage-free morning. 🙂

 

My day

Posted in random word vomit by

This has been a long day thus far. It is has been a slow march to 10 am and I’m performing a noise survey with a little welding fume sampling thrown in for fun. I really do love my job. Yesterday, I may have actually helped people. At times I feel like I know nothing and to be honest I don’t know all that much. Sometimes though, I’m able to teach people who know even less than I do stuff that helps, and that makes me happy.
So, any of y’all ever been stressed? Not, oh crap I burned my toast stressed, but deep anxiety over being alive and trying like hell to be more at peace but failing miserably? Yeah, me too. My body is pissed about it. The first time I had THIS was when I was 18 and my whole world was cattywhompus and had destroyed a leased car and started college and it was just…a lot. The second time was during marital strife and a death in the family. Now here it is again. Hello creepy rash that isn’t exactly a rash but goes by a name that sounds something like,”pittoriousous rosacea”.  I have no internet nor phone signal at the moment or I would have found the real name but anywhoodle, it looks sorta like ringworm, but isn’t. And then it spreads…currently, the trunk of my body looks like I have some form of a pox. It’s a little itchy, but not horrid. I just look hideous.
The first time I had this I was stuck for about six weeks, the second time was only about two weeks, this outbreak seems more like the first time regarding severity.

When my sister visited me last week we went to a bookstore. There I purchased “the idiots guide to short meditations”. I really like the book so far, but I’m only in chapter 3, so who knows.

I have to find a post office today to pack and ship some items so as not to be crazy overweight luggage-wise. Did I mention my anxiety level is through the roof today which is causing ADD hell thus leading you to the word vomit type post you are now enjoying enduring.

I probably also didn’t mention that I have to leave for the airport at 4am, also that I have to call the airline and remain on hold for a thousand hours to remind them I still have the same Herbert with whom I left the island.

But I have to sit here and wait out my day. And by sit here I mean run around prepping for sample stuff and talk to the client and then come back and realize I am half way through the most rambling blog post of all time.
Bright side? I just got the wifi password. Woooohoooo!